Admin on phone with daughter: Sure, you can go to Puerto Rico with the Jones*. (pause) How far is Puerto Rico, anyways? (pause) It's not really that far, right? It's like, part of the US, but it's one of those things–like a stepchild.
Lutherville, Maryland
Woman to friend: I'm just saying, when she find out he lives with his wife… Gurl, she ain't gonna like it.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lee
Male coworker to female supervisor: Sorry about your son.
Female supervisor: He's a wimp!
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Neighbor with headphones on
Female worker, at a work-sponsored pizza party: My older brother picked on me all the time. Play-fighting, just rough-housing, you know. He is deceased, now.
Insensitive female worker: Because she killed him!
San Francisco, California
Employee #1: Otis Redding.
Employee #2: Otis Redding? Who's that?
Employee #3: Isnt' that the guy from Andy Griffith? The drunk guy?
Employee #1: No. Otis Redding sang that “Dock of the Bay” song. His dad shot and killed him.
Employee #2: No. That's Marvin Gaye.
Employee #1: Marvin Gaye? Who's that?
Van Buren, Arkansas
Female boss at IT meeting: What were you doing at lunch that made you so sweaty?
Male developer #1: Just washing my wife's car.
Male developer #2: So, did you have a good time “washing your wife's car?”
(everyone laughs)
Female boss: You can wash my car anytime you want.
Male developer #1: Uh… okay.
Female boss: What?
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Coworker: My wife doesn't do it rough enough. You know how it is: women just don't have strong enough hands.
Austin, Texas
Customer on cell: Yes, darling. I do have to bring her home, she's our daughter.
Ontario
Canadia
Graphic designer: Ah, shut up, midget mother.
Ad sales girl: What? “Midget mother”? What the fuck does that mean?
Graphic designer: Your mother's a midget.
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Coworker: Your baby is *so* adorable and scrumptious.
New mom: Yeah, Susie said she could eat her with some hot sauce.
Coworker: Wow, I didn't know Susie liked hot sauce.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
