Grunt: I’m sorry. You’re going to have to beat your head against the wall somewhere else. I have to get on a conference call now.
390 Benmar Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: I know how you feel
Grunt: I’m sorry. You’re going to have to beat your head against the wall somewhere else. I have to get on a conference call now.
390 Benmar Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: I know how you feel
Wal-Mart employee: The “no regular strength.” We have extra strength up the butt, not no regular strength.
Walmart
California
Overheard by: Mavynn
Student: Is Sarah* out sick today?
Boss: No, she had to run some errands, she will be in shortly.
Worker: I knew it, she had to get the morning after pill!
(everyone laughs)
Boss to worker: Yeah, because you're so stingy with yours!
Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Joyous cube dweller: Yay! My ass works!
DIT
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Across From The Shit Show
Employee #1: I hear they have a lot of them in new Mexico.
Employee #2: What, drag queens?
Employee #1: No, native Americans.
Employee #2: Oh.
Employee #1: Well, they could have a lot of drag queens there too, I don't really know…
Gainesville, Florida
PR gal: We need a really memorable tag line, like “Stop, Drop and Roll” from the ’80s. Whatever happened to that, anyway?
Intern guy: It still works if you’re on fire.
41 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Employee: I ordered 2448 washers today! What did you get done?
Boss: I took a big shit this morning.
Philadelphia, PA
Presenter: The activity we're going to do is called “me in a bag.” Has anyone ever done “me in a bag”? Who's done “me in a bag”?
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
Yarmouth, Maine
UPS guy: Here are your packages.
Secretary: Are you looking at my twins? (about photo of twin granddaughters)
UPS guy: Uh, no, time to go!
Manchester, New Hampshire
