Worker on phone: Yes, ma’am, we’ll get you what you need right away… Well, thank you, Linda*. We enjoy your business. You’re one of my favorite customers. Without you our company would suffer a tremendous loss. Okay… Thank you. [Hangs up.] Bitch.
7501 NE Loop 820
Texas
Overheard by: lmao
Woman on cell: Well, when I get to my office, I’ll turn on my computer and run through what you did, to see what may be wrong with your computer. [pause] No, Mom, I can’t get onto your computer from my computer.
3301 Fairfax Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Cube guy #1: Hey, I got that ointment you mentioned last night.
Cube guy #2: Oh yeah, did it go away?
Cube guy #1: Well, you know … It never really “goes away”.
Internet Company
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Cube Guru
Customer: I left something in a cab and I would pay very well to get it back.
Dispatcher: Sure, I just need to know the description of the item to see if it's been returned.
Customer: Umm, I'd rather not explain.
Dispatcher: Well, how do I find it? It can't be that bad.
Customer: Well, it's a brown bag. Has anyone turned in a brown bag?
Dispatcher: Not that I'm aware of. Look, do you know the cab number?
Customer: No, but I think it was one of your cabs.
Dispatcher: You think? Did you catch a name? Know anything about the driver?
Customer: He was foreign, like, Middle Eastern. I think his name was Ali.
Dispatcher: Seriously?
Burnside Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Harassed Dispatcher
Angry manager: I’ve got more important shit in my life than that goddam coffee can.
New Mexico
Employee #1: Oh…I think I peed a little! I have to go check. Be right back.
Employee #2: …So how did your pee test go?
Employee #1: No, I didn’t pee. Maybe it was just discharge.
5409 N. Florida Avenue
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen
Book lady: Attention staff, a customer needs assistance with nostalgia.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Autumn
Coworker, entering mailroom: Howdy! We're here to get some dirty boxes!
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: That admin who works in some other department
Peon #1: You know what I can’t wait to do?
Peon #2: Let me guess — dip, masturbate, take a shit.
Peon #1: And…?
Peon #2: Drink?
Peon #1: So you are listening.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: anon
Male employee to female employee: Now hold on. You just wait until I whip it right out…Then we can celebrate.
Nearby male co-worker: I feel so uncomfortable right now.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: CB
