Conductor, over loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we've found the glitch in this temporary schedule, some genius has us leaving at 8:22, so we'll now sit here a full 10 minutes! Sorry for the delay. (several minutes later) Ladies and gentlemen, once again, we're waiting for time to catch up to us, we've got 4 minutes left until we've left the station.
Manhattan, New York
Coworker #1: Yeah, I have syringes at home. Don’t you?
Coworker #2: No. Why? Does someone in your house have diabetes?
Coworker #1: No. Is this weird? Hold on, let me call my brother.
(a few minutes later.)
Coworker #1: Oh, well. They’re not syringes. They’re teeth whiteners.
West Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Office guy, as if about the weather: I'd be gay, except for the spooning.
Bentonville, Arkansas
Barista, handing cup over to customer: Are you a coffee drinker?
Starbucks
Des Moines, Iowa
Fellow cube dweller (after violently blowing nose and looking into tissue): I don’t understand how when you’re sick, you just never run out of boogers.
Rosedale Towers
Roseville, Minnesota
Overheard by: booger-free
Employee: I asked for tomorrow off, ’cause I don’t feel like working in the rain. I’ll probably go fishing, though — I don’t mind fishing in the rain.
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Receptionist to clerk: Kitty just brought one of those little hybrid cars that get a thousand miles to the gallon. How the hell does she plan to get her big fat Oompa-Loompa children crammed into that little thing?
Kitty, walking into office: Are you guys talking about the Willy Wonka movie? My kids just love those candy bars they sell at the dollar store!
Orlando, Florida
Office woman to male manager with aluminum water bottle: Wow, look at you! Going green! Nice!
Manager: If a man really wants to go green, he'll kill himself and let himself be used as fertilizer.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Intern
Assistant: I'm going to Starbucks; can I get you anything?
IT tech: What's Starbucks?
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: a girl who HASN'T been living under a rock
