Doctor: So, you aren't eating or drinking water during the day for a whole month?
Muslim med student: Yep, but it's not so bad, it gives us time to reflect and pray.
Doctor: Wow, well, thanks for telling me about Ramadan. Now let's figure out our schedule for the day. Have you eaten lunch yet?
Medical Center
Richmond, Virginia
Female clerk: My nipples itch… Someone must be thinking about me.
Male doctor: What?!?
Female clerk: Isn’t that what they say? When your nipples itch someone is thinking about you?
Male doctor: Nooooooo…
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Who-la-hey
Dentist to young female patient: I'm sorry, I ripped my glove.
Young female patient: Good thing it wasn't a condom!
Connecticut
Doctor: Women come into my office at least once a month and completely lose it — blubbering all over the place. I had one in here today.
Wife: Are they married?
Chandler, Arizona
Overheard by: Office Manager
Doctor: Okay, so what are you having done today? Varicose veins?
Woman waiting for surgery: What? No. I'm having a port put in.
Nurse: A port? Well, you don't need a port for varicose veins.
Woman waiting for surgery: I know it's for my chemo.
Nurse: Oh, I get it now. I thought your form said “Cheerios.”
Australia
Nurse to doctor: I mean, you've got to have something to live for.
Doctor to nurse: Yeah, you at least gotta be able to fuck somebody or piss somebody off.
Nurse to doctor: And from what I hear, you're great at both!
Springfield, Illinois
Overheard by: SWARD
Doctor #1: So I called him when he didn’t show up for his visit and told him I was waiting for him. He told me that he came, signed in, filled out the insurance paperwork, answered some questions, then left and went home.
Doctor #2: What an idiot. Don’t people realize that when you have a doctor’s appointment, you’re actually supposed to go in to see the doctor?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Moron
User: If you don’t turn my cell phone back on today, I’ll tell the families of my patients and their lawyers that you are responsible for the patient’s death, because I couldn’t be reached!
Call center operator: Sir, if you are expecting your patients to die, perhaps they should switch to a different physician…
310 W. Bakerview Road
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Josh Sinnett
Doctor: Who is that?
Assistant: It’s Dr. Smith, he wants to know if you are going to the meeting.
Doctor: What, I can’t go to the bathroom first? Tell ’em I’m peeing.
York Ave
New York, New York
Overheard by: the other assistant
Doctor: Did you put the drugs in the drug room?
Nurse: No! I can’t find where they are supposed to go. Every time I try and find the drugs in that room I want to kill somebody!
Doctor: Please don’t. We shouldn’t be killing any more patients anyway.
250 West Bridge Street
Dublin, Ohio
