Skinny middle-aged man to large middle-aged receptionist: May I borrow your phone?
Receptionist: Sure, sugar.
Skinny middle-aged man, after calmly speaking with another doctor: And when I get there, I'm going to crap on your desk! (to receptionist) Thank you for letting me borrow your phone.
Receptionist: You're welcome, sugar.
Gastroenterology Office
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: the intern
Doctor: What the hell is that? I've never heard of it.
Receptionist: Uh, the rep just wanted me to tell you it's free.
Doctor: Well–sign me up, then find out what it's all about.
Springhill
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: PsychKat
Endocrinologist to another doctor: They're both GI doctors, so you know they're really pulling it in. And they've got good hours, well, unless someone starts bleeding in the middle of the night. The only way one of mine bleeds is if I stab them in the thyroid.
Fairview Hospital
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: A Very Scared Patient
Hygienist: What's the two bubbles with the line mean?
Office assistant: That's a percent symbol.
Dental Office
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: A
Doctor's assistant to doctor: How do you spell “blood”?
Scottsdale, Arizona
CPR instructor: … And how do we tell if an infant isn’t breathing? He will flail around a little and will also turn blue or purple.
Black cop: Um, not trying to be an ass, but what if the baby is my color?
White cop: Oh yeah… That’s known as blurple.
CPR Class, Police Department
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Doctor, to patient: I just saw an x-ray of your arm and it looks like shit.
North Shore Hospital
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Physician on phone: They throw darts at each other's butts?!
32nd St
New York City, New York
Dental assistant: What was the name of that movie? The one about Pearl Harbor? You know, the one where they bomb Pearl Harbor?
Dentist: Um, I think it was called Pearl Harbor.
Dental assistant: No, it was a romantic movie… Where they bomb Pearl Harbor.
Dentist: Yeah, it's called Pearl Harbor.
Dental assistant: Oh, yeah! Pearl Harbor!
Dental Office
The Bronx, New York
Resident: Patient was seen today at his home. He’s still complaining that the beams from Oregon are bothering him, but he said they aren’t affecting him too badly right now. In fact, he said that they don’t affect men too much in general – it’s really women who should be worried about the beams, especially, he said, when they’re aimed at women’s private boxes.
Social worker: Did you just say private boxes?
Psychiatric clinic
Tulsa, Oklahoma
