User: If you don’t turn my cell phone back on today, I’ll tell the families of my patients and their lawyers that you are responsible for the patient’s death, because I couldn’t be reached!
Call center operator: Sir, if you are expecting your patients to die, perhaps they should switch to a different physician…
310 W. Bakerview Road
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Josh Sinnett
Doctor: Who is that?
Assistant: It’s Dr. Smith, he wants to know if you are going to the meeting.
Doctor: What, I can’t go to the bathroom first? Tell ’em I’m peeing.
York Ave
New York, New York
Overheard by: the other assistant
Doctor: Did you put the drugs in the drug room?
Nurse: No! I can’t find where they are supposed to go. Every time I try and find the drugs in that room I want to kill somebody!
Doctor: Please don’t. We shouldn’t be killing any more patients anyway.
250 West Bridge Street
Dublin, Ohio
Skinny middle-aged man to large middle-aged receptionist: May I borrow your phone?
Receptionist: Sure, sugar.
Skinny middle-aged man, after calmly speaking with another doctor: And when I get there, I'm going to crap on your desk! (to receptionist) Thank you for letting me borrow your phone.
Receptionist: You're welcome, sugar.
Gastroenterology Office
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: the intern
Doctor: What the hell is that? I've never heard of it.
Receptionist: Uh, the rep just wanted me to tell you it's free.
Doctor: Well–sign me up, then find out what it's all about.
Springhill
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: PsychKat
Endocrinologist to another doctor: They're both GI doctors, so you know they're really pulling it in. And they've got good hours, well, unless someone starts bleeding in the middle of the night. The only way one of mine bleeds is if I stab them in the thyroid.
Fairview Hospital
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: A Very Scared Patient
Hygienist: What's the two bubbles with the line mean?
Office assistant: That's a percent symbol.
Dental Office
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: A
Doctor's assistant to doctor: How do you spell “blood”?
Scottsdale, Arizona
CPR instructor: … And how do we tell if an infant isn’t breathing? He will flail around a little and will also turn blue or purple.
Black cop: Um, not trying to be an ass, but what if the baby is my color?
White cop: Oh yeah… That’s known as blurple.
CPR Class, Police Department
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Doctor, to patient: I just saw an x-ray of your arm and it looks like shit.
North Shore Hospital
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
