Male peon: You feeling better today, Jim*?
Jim: Yes.
Male peon: Well, you look a lot better. We were worried about you yesterday. You were turning white.
Jim: Yeah, that’s not a good sign when you’re a black man.
Newport News, Virginia
Male peon: You feeling better today, Jim*?
Jim: Yes.
Male peon: Well, you look a lot better. We were worried about you yesterday. You were turning white.
Jim: Yeah, that’s not a good sign when you’re a black man.
Newport News, Virginia
Researcher: Is this an accurate archaeological description: ‘The site now looks like a four-tier cake’?
Dublin
Ireland
Overheard by: Ragnvaeig
Manager #1, about speaking at staff meeting: Do you want to go first? Mine is pretty long.
Manager #2: Well, mine is really short, so yeah, it’ll be easier if I go first.
Route 9
Framingham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: biting my lip
Supervisor: I’ve always wondered where the 13th floor is.
Employee #1: They just call thirteen ‘fourteen.’
Supervisor: I know that. But where is it? Is it just an empty space that the elevator skips?
Employee #2: Yeah, like, is it just completely unfinished and empty on that floor?
Employee #1: No, the 14th floor is actually the 13th floor, they just skip the number 13 because people are afraid of it.
Supervisor, skeptically: Mmmm.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Aaargh
Employee #1: Hey, what’s there in your bag?
Employee #2: I’ve got some Korean salad…
Employee #1: May I–
Employee #2: –Nope, it’s only for me.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: dieting
Employee: Uhhh, I got a job offer from another company… And I want to quit…
Boss: What?! How much did they offer you?!
Employee: Ummm, two times more than I get here.
Boss: Did you tell them that you’re a slacker?
Employee: Nope, but I told ’em that you appreciate my work so much that you wanted to raise my salary two times.
Boss: Bullshit! Give me their phone number and I’ll tell them the truth about you! And also, you’re fired!
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: jullylully
Coworker #1: So, a magnetic train crashed in Germany, killing twenty-three.
Coworker #2: … Stupid Krauts.
70th Street and Park Avenue
New York, New York
Stable employee: Oh, there’s a reason all the horses’ names start with the letter Q. It’s ’cause we go through the alphabet — each year gets a different letter — so this year all the horses get named with the letter Q. So, like, last year was all P names, the year before it was O names, and next year it will be T… No, wait, U… S…? Hang on… P, Q, S, R… R, S — that’s it. Next year they all get R names.
Thebarton, Adelaide
Australia
Nerdy worker: Well, unfortunately she had rubbed her butt across the floor. Man, it smelled so bad.
Coworker: Oh my god!
Nerdy worker: Yeah, we used some Febreze on it, so it was a little better yesterday.
Highway 280
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Glad I don’t work for Stanley Steamer
Boss: Brandon*, no matter what you think, those pills will not make you grow three inches. Get back to work.
55th Street and 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
