Bimbette peon: This is my last weekend of being twenty-one! I can’t believe I’m so old. I might as well start picking out cemetery plots. I am going to get shit-faced this weekend — my last weekend of youth! [Old coworker stares blankly.]
Glen Allen, Virginia
Overheard by: Tisk Tisk
Contractor: Ma’am, just so you know for the next time we’re called in, caulking is not spelled C-O-C-K-I-N-G. It’s C-A-U-L-K-I-N-G.
Red-faced manager: Oh!
Retirement home
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Giggling
Front desk: XYZ Inn*, Avery* speaking. How may I help you?
Caller: Is this the Holiday Inn?
Front desk: No, it’s the XYZ Inn.
Caller: So you’re not the Holiday Inn anymore?
Front desk: No!
Caller: Okay.
611 Ocean Street
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Crystal
Old black lady: Why you call your brother ‘KISS‘?!
Young black woman: Huh?
Old black lady: You know what ‘K-I-S-S’ stand for?
Young black woman: What?
Old black woman: ‘Knights in Satan’s Service.’ That’s right, ‘Knights in Satan’s Service! Why you call your brother ‘KISS‘?!
2201 South 10th Street
Ft. Pierce, Florida
Overheard by: Just here to get dialated
CSR: Okay, sir, I’m now going to give you your confirmation number: 5-9-7*-M as in ‘Michael’– No, M as in ‘Michael.’ No, I know your name is not Michael, sir. I’m saying ‘M as in Michael.’ Okay… 5-9-7-M as in ‘mother’– Sir… Yes, I’m sorry… I’m not saying you’re a woman, sir…
999 de Maisonneuve Boulevard
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Monika
Medical assistant trying to make appointment for patient: Tell me something — why is the Gastrology office always so backed up?
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
Cubicle chick: Are your boobs real?
2710 Marvin Road
Olympia, Washington
Suit ordering drink: Um, I just really want something that’s going to fuck me up.
Exasperated waitress: Honestly, I’m going to fuck you up in a second if you don’t order.
13th and U Streets
Washington, DC
Male peon: Hold on, let me see if I can figure out who that person is. [Puts caller on hold.] Hey, guys, who is Erica*?
Female peon: The girl who worked here all summer.
Male peon: Oh. [Picks up phone.] She went back to school.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: We work in a very small office…
Lady peon getting help setting up hot dog luncheon: I just don’t want to get any wiener juice on me!
11400 West Lake Park Drive
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
