Coworker on phone: Yeah. Unemployed is just un-fun. So, I’m happy with what I got. Even if it rapes me.
Alpharetta, Georgia
Coworker on phone: Yeah. Unemployed is just un-fun. So, I’m happy with what I got. Even if it rapes me.
Alpharetta, Georgia
Flight attendant to delayed travelers: Last call for Winnipeg… We still have plenty of seats available. I know there are a lot of canceled flights today. Have you ever considered a trip to Canada?
O’Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Considered it.
Client: I never smoked a cigarette a day in my life!
Assistant: Well, you’re just a regular choirboy!
Client: Smoked a kilo of dope — didn’t see a need for cigarettes!
Real estate office
Texas
Sales guy: I was thinking of going to Bert’s Bait and Tackle to get some hot dogs for lunch.
Sales assistant: You buy hot dogs at a bait and tackle store?!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
CSR #1: What are you eating now?
CSR #2: Pumpkin Spice Flax granola bar.
CSR #1: Glass?
CSR #2: No… pumpkin spice flax. You know — flax seeds.
CSR #1: Wax?!
CSR #2: Ugh… never mind.
CSR #1: You’re eating wax?!
CSR #2: Never mind!
CSR #1: Okay, see ya!
12 West Valley Avenue
Elysburg, Pennsylvania
Lady worker bee: C’mon, you know you were skanky before you got married.
Male worker bee: No, I wasn’t. I may have been a slut, but not a skank.
Lady worker bee: What’s the difference?
Male worker bee: A skank is a slut that doesn’t bathe.
4768 Church Road
Platteville, Wisconsin
Grunt #1: So, what about the cigarette tax?
Grunt #2: I put ‘Yes.’
Grunt #1: Wait, you voted for that? Why? It’s like a 300 percent increase!
Grunt #2: Because I’m a social Darwinist! If people are gonna die, I want them to at least give money to the government first.
UC Santa Cruz
California
Overheard by: I think I’m in love
Boss: Can you program this DVD player?
Temp: Um, maybe. I don’t know.
Boss: I thought you graduated from film school. What do they teach you there?
Temp: Obviously nothing useful for a later career.
Vienna
Austria
Overheard by: cinekat
Customer: Hmmm… I want something in a waffle cone.
Salesgirl, holding cone: Okay. What would you like?
Customer: Can you do a chocolate dip with that cone?
Salesgirl: No, it’s not strong enough.
Customer: Oh. Well, can you put a small banana split in it?
Salesgirl: Uh, no.
Customer: What about a malt?
Salesgirl: No.
Customer: A milkshake?
Salesgirl: No.
Customer, irritated: Well, what can you do with it?
Salesgirl: I can put yogurt in it.
Frozen yogurt shop
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
