Crimes

In Unrelated News, Can I Have Tomorrow Off?

Blonde coworker: But that's the problem with this country, people are lazy now, never put any thought or effort into anything. They're sloppy. Like, some guy passed a bank teller a “this is a holdup” note on the back of his damn pay stub from his job. I can't respect that kind of stupidity.
Manager: You know what? You would be a really good criminal. I mean that as a compliment.
Blonde coworker: I know, right? It's almost scary. I'd never get caught.

Chelmsford, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Not sure I want to sit by her anymore

10AM Review Napoleonic Code

Attorney #1: The governor suggested that everyone not evacuating write their social security number on their arm in indelible ink. I’m going to go through our database and tattoo the SSN of our richest client on my chest with my children as beneficiaries.
Attorney #2: You better get that tattoo on your ass because you’re going to be floating face down in the floodwater.

8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

…So He Can Freelance

Office girl to cube mates: I didn't talk to my fiance at all last night, he was harvesting organs. Apparently they just go in and start yanking like five minutes after somebody dies. Okay, well, now I'm going to go buy him a gun.

St Louis, Missouri

Let’s Go Rob an Ann Taylor First

Ghetto chick: Girl, I don’t want to rob a grocery store lookin’ like this.

McDade’s
Jackson, Mississippi

I Had No Idea Being Normal Would Be Hard

Part time girl: Isn't it illegal to work five days in a row?
Coworker: That's what normal people do.
Part time girl: Oh…that sucks.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Nicole

…And Help Me Swipe Wallets.

Woman to child: Some people are just wicked. Put that pumpkin back.

Wal-Mart
Aberdeen, Washington

Sigh. Story Of My Life.

Office drone, surfing the net: I can't find an image of a woman in a prison jumpsuit that would fit in a shopping cart…

Manhattan, New York

As Santa Often Says…

Suit: Well, if a tiny old Korean tried to grab my sack, I’d probably want to jump him, too.

5850 Canoga
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Legal Ho’

4PM Filing Frenzy

Police sergeant: Have you done those sexual child abuse talks at the school yet?
Civilian employee: Yes, and several of the children need to file a report.
Police sergeant: Great! Now we have more work. Whose idea was it to do those talks?

8620 California Avenue
South Gate, California

Every Angelina Jolie Movie: Encapsulated.

30-something redhead to older male lunch companion: I'm kind of disgusted with my current job in law enforcement. I'm thinking of a career change to either a highly-paid call girl or an assassin.
Older male lunch companion: Well, you're awesome at sex, and you *do* know how to kill people…

Restaurant
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

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