Doctor to inmate: So what are they accusing you of this time?
Inmate: Oh, they're not accusing me, I did it.
County Jail Medical Office
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: Molly
Smart girl: Okay, that guy was nice but really kind of creepy.
Girl: Yeah, but he seemed harmless enough.
Smart girl: Sure, but so did Ted Bundy.
Girl: Oh I love that guy!
Smart girl: Wait… what?
Girl: He's the one on Married with Children, right?
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: glad my gf is the smart one
Blonde coworker: But that's the problem with this country, people are lazy now, never put any thought or effort into anything. They're sloppy. Like, some guy passed a bank teller a “this is a holdup” note on the back of his damn pay stub from his job. I can't respect that kind of stupidity.
Manager: You know what? You would be a really good criminal. I mean that as a compliment.
Blonde coworker: I know, right? It's almost scary. I'd never get caught.
Chelmsford, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Not sure I want to sit by her anymore
Attorney #1: The governor suggested that everyone not evacuating write their social security number on their arm in indelible ink. I’m going to go through our database and tattoo the SSN of our richest client on my chest with my children as beneficiaries.
Attorney #2: You better get that tattoo on your ass because you’re going to be floating face down in the floodwater.
8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Office girl to cube mates: I didn't talk to my fiance at all last night, he was harvesting organs. Apparently they just go in and start yanking like five minutes after somebody dies. Okay, well, now I'm going to go buy him a gun.
St Louis, Missouri
Ghetto chick: Girl, I don’t want to rob a grocery store lookin’ like this.
McDade’s
Jackson, Mississippi
Part time girl: Isn't it illegal to work five days in a row?
Coworker: That's what normal people do.
Part time girl: Oh…that sucks.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Nicole
Woman to child: Some people are just wicked. Put that pumpkin back.
Wal-Mart
Aberdeen, Washington
Office drone, surfing the net: I can't find an image of a woman in a prison jumpsuit that would fit in a shopping cart…
Manhattan, New York
Suit: Well, if a tiny old Korean tried to grab my sack, I’d probably want to jump him, too.
5850 Canoga
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Legal Ho’
