Boss: Your brother is Wiccan?
Drone: Yes.
Boss: So he does magic?
Drone: He likes to think so.
Boss: And he’s not Christian?
Drone: …No.
Boss: So he can do whatever he wants? Like kill someone?
Drone: …No, he still has to abide by the laws of the land.
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Office girl: Why don’t we recycle here?
Office guy: Because we’re fucking trying to eliminate winter!
740 Dundas Street E
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
IT guy #1: I will kill you with my soup cup?
IT guy #2: Okay.
Dodge St
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Northern Lad
Female employee, pointing at computer screen: I say we take this guy to court!
Male employee: There's nobody there, Megan*.
Newton, Massachusetts
Guy coworker: So I know after they've wiped out the rest of my truck, these thieves are thinking, “We can even steal these $3 sunglasses and pawn them for at least a portion of a rock!”
Girl coworker: Rocks are free, dumbass!
Lewisville, Texas
Overheard by: entertained by others' ignorance
Teacher #1: What are they raising all this money for?
Teacher #2: For this lady in the cleaning crew. Apparently, her purse was stolen and she lost nine hundred bucks that she was planning to send home to her family in Mexico.
Teacher #1: Where’s my nine hundred bucks? Since I started working here, I lost everything.
444 Pleasantville Road
Briarcliff Manor, New York
Front manager: I wanna go out on the town and cause trouble tonight. Not to the point of getting arrested, but… really close.
Newton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Tom
Writer: ‘Portly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: ‘Portly’ sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That’s not ‘portly!’ That’s obese!
Designer: What’s the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Secretary: How’d things go with the Sixth Circuit?
Paralegal: Hold on, let me re-enact it. You be Tuck, I’ll be the judge. Now get me a ballbat and stand still while I beat you with it for thirty minutes straight.
Tuck: Ha…ha…ha.
319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Tuck’s Boss who he thinks doesn’t know about this site
Coworker on phone: I believe the court will look unfavorably at you getting arrested, yes… Well, yeah, obviously a misdemeanor would be better than a felony… I am not saying it’s okay. I’m saying that the court tends to sort of get pissed off at you when you get arrested at all, but it’s even worse when you get arrested for a felony-level offense. What do you mean, you’re not planning on getting caught? You’re asking me about what your chances would be of getting your kids back if you got arrested… I’m pretty sure that’s a felony. And no, I don’t think the court will be lenient with you if you say you hold the drugs to make money to get your kids back. Not the criminal court or our court… Um, that’s definitely a crime. Okay. Bye [hangs up]… How weird is it that I felt like there was nothing wrong with that conversation until after I got off the phone with her?
425 Shatto Place
Los Angeles, California
