Co-worker #1: What did that guy do? Why is he a prisoner?
Co-worker #2: I don’t know. I asked him, and all he said was, “It’s a long story.” Who knows? He’s probably a child molester or something.
Co-worker #3: Maybe he had sex with a horse or something.
Co-worker #1: I don’t know, I would think that would be a relatively short story. Like a one-liner.
100 East Carroll Street
Salisbury, Maryland
Boss, shouting from neighboring office: Oh my god, I love those mugshots!
Los Angeles, California
Suit walking out of office: No, I don't want to do that. I'm far too pretty to go to prison! (whole office stops and stares at him) I just said that way too loud, didn't I?
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Scotty
Co-worker #1: Oh my god, girl scout cookies should so be illegal.
Co-worker #2: Yes…I have five boxes on my desk as we speak!
Co-worker #1: At least with crack you lose a lot of weight.
Wichita, Kansas
Office girl: My mom said she almost wrecked her car the other day because she was watching Elvis pick up trash on the side of the road. My mom said he was picking up trash in his jumpsuit, right there on the side of the road.
Office guy: Elvis was doing a little community service, was he?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Partner, on phone: Vengeance is mine, sayeth the lawyer. He will pay.
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
Secretary: Nicole is on the phone for you.
Boss: Oh, man!
Secretary: I can get rid of her for you… Not in a mobster kind of way!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dispatch: Got a report of a small black car going very fast.
Officer: Any other description besides “small black car”?
Dispatch: It's going very fast.
Officer: Thanks… Over.
Police Scanner
Oregon
Overheard by: Mike
Teacher: You know, now that they are both 18, we can rape them, and it wouldn’t be considered statutory.
2 Stewart Place
Eastchester, New York
Overheard by: Johnnymunz
Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the password to see it online. So, I need to know how much it is.
Employee: You can’t pay it without his authorization. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t authorize anything, he’s incarcerated.
Employee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obituary or the death certificate.
Woman: What? He’s incarcerated! [pause] He’s in jail.
Employee: Oh.
Frederick, Maryland
