Coworkers

Sometimes He’d Euphorically Do Body-Shots Off of me and Ned From Accounting

Female coworker: I’m so tired of being alone but it’s impossible to meet any available men here. I should have taken John* up on his offer.

Male coworker: Who?

Female coworker: You know, John Smith*. The guy who was here about eight years ago and got booted, then came back a few years later, then got booted again a couple of years ago.

Male coworker: Oh he’s been booted more times than that! What are you talking about?

Female coworker: Didn’t I tell you? He came back last fall trying to get reinstated and stopped by to see me. He said he’d been thinking about me. He wanted to know if I was interested in getting together but I didn’t want to get into that so I lied and said I was seeing someone. Now I wonder why I did that.

Male coworker: Maybe because he’s a bipolar bisexual alcoholic?

Female coworker: There is that…But I bet he wouldn’t have bored me.

Small town, Washington

Overheard by: i’m lonely too – but not that lonely

It Was an Attempted Coop d’État

Girl #1, walking past: There was a ruckus in the office but we sorted it out.
Girl #2: It’s funny, whenever I think of the word ruckus I think of, like, chickens.
Girl #3: Oh my god, there were chickens in the office?

University Drive
Gold Coast, Australia

Overheard by: Jess

Might Have Swallowed the Spring, the Way the Conversation’s Bouncing Around

Coworker #1: Well one time, I was eating here, and I found a piece of metal in my mouth! You know, a long thin piece. But bunched up. I chewed on it and it like exploded in my mouth. In my mouth! Can you believe it? It was all twisted or something. Coiled. Oh yeah. It was a spring! A spring! Anyway, I chewed on it and it like boinged in my mouth. Wait, wait, wait. Can you believe it? Boing, boing, boing! So I spit it out and look at it and think, ‘What the hell is this and what is it doing in my food?’ But really, can you believe it? Boinging all over the place!
Coworker #2: Ok. Enough already. You’re making me sick. It’s like having lunch with Roseanne Roseannadanna. Next you’ll be telling me about the time you found a toenail in your cheeseburger.
Coworker #1: Oh yeah. Wouldn’t that be great? Lunch with Roseanne. But she’s dead, you know. Cancer.
Coworker #2: Gilda Radner died of cancer.
Coworker #1: Who? Why are you always changing the subject?
Coworker #2: I’m eating at my desk.

1500 University Avenue
Madison University Hospital & Clinics Cafeteria
Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Just lost my appetite

Probably Far Enough

Guy: I put on the tutu and that was as far as I got.

4900 Tiedmann,
Brooklyn, Ohio

Overheard by: marko

The Only Way to Eat a Meatball Sub Without Getting Any on Your Necktie

Art director: I do it over the toilet bowl, and when I’m done, it looks like there’s a dead animal in there.

375 Hudson Street
New York, New York

So Act Like a Robot That Acts Like a Human Being

Woman on phone: Could you please just act like a human being?… Oh, right, I forgot. You’re a Transformer.

42nd Street
New York, New York

It’s Funny, Though — There’s This One Where Everyone Has a Four-Year Sentence

Intern chick: Where’s Ithaca?
Bronx boy: It’s upstate.
Intern chick: Upstate?
Bronx boy: Way upstate.
Intern chick: So where are we?
Bronx boy: We’re southern. The very southern tip of New York.
Intern chick: OK, how far north is it?
Bronx boy: Really far north… it’s near prisons, if you really want to know the truth.

125th Street & Lenox Avenue
New York, New York

But the Pashmina Goats Are Fine with You Taking That Stuff, Because No Woman Wants a Beard

Employee #1: Yeah, so PETA has helped me understand the cruelty animals are subjected to by humans.
Employee #2: I’ve seen some of the videos. Heinous.
Employee #1: Like that shirt you’re wearing, it’s made of cotton, right? You shouldn’t be wearing it.
Employee #2: Huh? Why not?
Employee #1: It really hurts the sheep when they are shorn.

Bed Bath & Beyond
Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Debauched Angel

And Conveniently Carries Enough Ice to Cover an Unconscious Body in a Bathtub

Engineer: Where do I put this cooler?
Scientist #1: You know what that cooler is?
Engineer: Um, no.
Scientist #1: That’s my old date cooler.
Scientist #2: Huh?
Scientist #1: ‘Cause it’s tall enough for a bottle of wine.
Scientist #2: I had a cooler too, for organs.
Engineer: This one’s tall enough for a whole lung!

Highland Avenue
Cheshire, Connecticut

You Dope. What Are the Odds It Could Be Anybody Else?

Genius on phone: Hey, man… what’s going on? So I heard that two cops shot a dude, and I was just wondering if it was you.

44th Street & Broadway
New York, New York

Overheard by: Speechless

© 2026 OverheardinTheOffice.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist