Woman #1: I haven’t had a haircut since my friend died.
Woman #2: Why not?
Woman #1: She used to do my hair for nothing.
Woman #2: Well, it looks like a fucking Brillo pad now. I’d throw some money at your head, and fast!
365 W Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Woman on phone: I just don’t want you to end up on that show where the news reporter comes into the kitchen and the guys have their pants off…
K Street
Washington, DC
CSR #1 to CSR #2: You know, you should really try getting to work on time. You don't want them to fire you.
CSR #2: They can't fire me! I put my notice in the day I started!
Greenville, South Carolina
Secretary: Don’t mail your boogers to people!
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Boss on phone walking around office: Look, what you’re needing is something more powerful. You should try Viagra.
Overland Park, Kansas
Tech support on phone to customer: You know what you just did? Yeah, never do that again.
Rockville, Maryland
Income auditor guy: I want to buy my fiance a gift like make-up.
Income auditor gal: Cool, how much you set for it?
Income auditor guy: 30 Egyptian pounds.
Income auditor gal: You could buy a blusher with 30 EGP.
Income auditor guy: Well then, how about cheap make-up?
Income auditor gal: You can’t buy anything with 30 EGP.
Income auditor guy: Well how much do you think I need?
Income auditor gal: About 500 EGP to buy her one of those cute boxes that’s full of make-up and perfumes.
Income auditor guy: With 500 EGP, I could send her to a plastic surgeon and get change.
Translated from the Arabic.
Le Meridien Makadi Bay Hotel
South Hurghada, Egypt
iPod chick #1: I told Lauren* to look hot today, we’ll see…
iPod chick #2: I know, it’s so hard for her. She can only look hot like once a month.
Waltham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Joe
Woman #1: I feel bad he’s stuck talking to her. I feel like I should rescue him.
Woman #2: Oh, they deserve each other; they’re both full of shit.
Woman #1: But his is a different kind of shit.
Woman #2: Yeah; his is bull, hers is horse.
175 S. Third Street
Columbus, Ohio
Social worker on phone: No! Stay away from that negative force. She is a demented old crab! Okay, I love you, too. Drive safe. And remember — no crabs. And pick up some Vonnegut now that he’s dead.
260 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
