Loud-talking painter, not realizing he's being heard: I don't know, Paul, I wouldn't mind spanking that redhead.
Painter friend: What color would we have to paint her office to get her to do that?
(long pause)
Loud-talking painter: Green?
Loserville, Kentucky
Office guy #1: Dude, you’re making me nervous with that letter opener.
Office guy #2: Why’s that?
Office guy #1: Because you look like you played too much Dungeons & Dragons back in the day.
18 Adam & Eve Mews
London, England
Worker #1: I don’t want to donate my organs when I die. Those doctors make too much profit off the surgeries.
Worker #2: Does your wife know this? Because I’m pretty sure your next-of-kin can override your decision.
Worker #1: Is that true? I would beat my wife in heaven if she donated my organs after I was dead.
111 South 34th Street
Phoenix, Arizona
Girl #1: Hey, when is that festival?
Girl #2: I think it’s sometime in the beginning of May?
Girl #1: We should totally go.
Girl #2: Yes… It will be fun, we can run over pedestrians like your mom did that one time.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! I forgot about that…
Girl #2: Haha, she just kept driving.
Greene Turtle, Main Street
Bel Air, Maryland
Overheard by: GlynnisO
Mom: So, my son had a party while I was away, but at least he cleaned up the blood before I got home.
Friend: Wait… what?
Career Center
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Unemployed and unemployable
Boss #1: Most of our people in philanthropy are on coke… They get the work done, but the meetings are like coke conventions.
Boss #2: I had an ex-girlfriend who was always on a lot of coke. I didn’t know it, though. I thought she just had a lot of energy. Once, when she was really high, I had to throw her against a wall to snap her out of it.
Boss #1: Well, that’s what you have to do sometimes.
Miami, Florida
Chief petty officer: So, you’re saying the reservists can shoot themselves?
Training officer: Yes, but only with supervision.
Barboursville, West Virginia
Busboy: I’m joining the national guard next week. You get lots of tuition for only one weekend a month and two weeks a year.
Manager: Yeah, right. Pick me up a key chain from Baghdad, would you?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
