Helpful librarian: Here is an explanation of the changes a boy goes through, and masturbation.
Shocked redfaced teen: No, I said books on emancipation!
Ceres, California
Helpful librarian: Here is an explanation of the changes a boy goes through, and masturbation.
Shocked redfaced teen: No, I said books on emancipation!
Ceres, California
Japanese professor: The peroxides are very volatile. If you drop them, we have to be out of the building before they hit the floor.
Grad student: I won’t drop them.
Japanese professor: And only Japanese ninja can move that fast.
Grad student: OK.
Japanese professor: I am well trained in the art of the ninja.
10900 Euclid Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Anthropology student: Hey, I got the turds for the ass game!
Locust Lane
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: don’t want to know
Professor: Yeah, my daughter’s having a slumber party tonight. She invited eight girls, but one of them can’t come because she’s a Jew.
Grad student: Oh…
Professor: I mean, because there’s a Jewish holiday this weekend she has to observe.
Grad student: Oh, okay. Not because you don’t allow them in your home…
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Five-year-old boy: I have a tooth that’s loose! It’s gonna come out, and then I’m gonna put it under a pillow, and then I’m gonna get money and buy a tooth, and then I’m gonna put it under my pillow and get money and buy a toy, and then an adult tooth will grow in.
Librarian: Wow! You learn something new every day!
Five-year-old boy: It’s the basic law of science.
Library
Bronxville, New York
Dude #1: I have a massive penis.
Dude #2: Dude, you don’t even have pubes!
Dude #1: Want me to pull one out?
Dude #3: Do you have no shame?! Do you think God stops watching you at the lunch table?! And, Coco, you know you have an average-size penis.
Gaston Christian School, 1222 North Hope Road
Gastonia, North Carolina
Boy: I don’t like Oprah. She’s kind of racist.
Girl: Oprah can’t be racist! She’s black!
Boy: Were your parents related?
Girl: What’s that got to do with anything?
710 West San Augustine, Deer Park High School
Deer Park, Texas
Overheard by: Ian Jacoby
Adviser: Okay, is everyone here? Great. So, John*, why don't you tell us what you've worked on this week?
John: Well, I did…
Adviser, interrupting: Actually, John, I'm just going to hummer you for a minute while I show them the data.
Female grad student: Um, what?
Adviser: I'm going to hummer him and just show everyone this, you know, like run over him like a big fucking car.
Female grad student: Uh, okay, but you can't say that.
Adviser: What? Why?
Female grad student: I'll tell you after lab meeting.
Adviser, angrily: What is so bad about saying that? Is it like mean or something to “hummer” someone?
Female grad student: Well it's not mean, it's just… Yeah, don't say that. Ever. We'll talk later.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Student: Crap, I don’t know how to start.
Teacher: I can’t help you.
Student: Why not?
Teacher: If I knew this kind of crap do you think I’d be working at this ghetto school?
1133 Mission
Oceanside, California
Housing: You need to sign this form that talks about the potential risks of lead paint.
Student: Lead paint? Could that be dangerous?
Housing: No.
Student: Really?
Housing: Well, I wouldn’t lick the walls.
400 West 119th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: djlindee
