Guy: What are you going to do in Melbourne?
Girl: One of the days I’m there I’m going to go from bar to bar — you know, just explore myself.
Mounts Bay Road
Perth
Australia
Guy: What are you going to do in Melbourne?
Girl: One of the days I’m there I’m going to go from bar to bar — you know, just explore myself.
Mounts Bay Road
Perth
Australia
Student: I can’t get this essay to say what I want it to say, and you aren’t helping me!
Tutor: Well, what do you want to say, exactly?
Student: That you’re an idiot who isn’t helping me!
Tutor: So write that.
Student: … Are you serious?
Tutor: Sure. Write your whole essay around it if you think you can support your argument.
Student: … But you’re the TA, so you’ll be grading it later, right?
Tutor: Let me put it this way — if you can write this argumentative essay well enough that I start to take your side, then I will give you an A for the semester.
Student: Can I get that in writing?
Tutor: Sure [writes it and signs it].
Student: Sweet. I’m head of the debate team, you know.
101 Braddock Road
Frostburg, Maryland
Overheard by: can’t wait to see how this one turns out…
Ghetto girl: I don’t give a damn! It’s too cold to be cute!
50 Hurt Plaza
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Adamn
Pudgy girl #1: No, it’s called ‘Plus-Sized Models.’
Pudgy girl #1: Shut up! We fat, girl!
10 Perthshire Road
Brighton, Massachusetts
Physics teacher: How thick do you think a steel pole would have to be that connected the Earth and the moon if there were no more gravity?
Student #1: 10 inches?
Student #2: Five miles?
Student #3: No, way bigger than that.
Physics teacher: It would be about the size of the state of New York.
Student #1: Damn.
Student #2: Ha! I was right!
Student #3: You think that New York is five miles across?!
Student #2: Okay, that’s more like Delaware-sized. Is Delaware even a state?
Staples High School
Westport, Connecticut
Male law student #1: In chambers the judge said that as soon as those guys get to prison somebody is going to make them their bitch.
Male law student #2: So he said they’d pretty much be full-on ass-raped? Just like that?
Male law student #1: Yeah, pretty much.
Male law student #2: God, that’d be horrible.
Female law student #1: Unless you were gay. Then it’d be like heaven!
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Attaboy Finch
Poli-Sci professor: John Locke said, ‘In the beginning, all the world was America.’ What did he mean by this?
Student: Continental drift?
University of British Columbia
Canadia
Coworker: You know, they really need to make more Queen Latifah movies.
4501 East Virginia Avenue
Glendale, Colorado
Little girl holding Bad Santa: Nana, can I get this Santa movie?
Grandmother: No, you can’t.
Little girl: But my mommy and daddy watched it.
Grandmother: That’s because your parents are bad people.
Wal-Mart
Raynham, Massachusetts
Ditzy babe: Mr. Allen*? In the reading last night it said that semen had a high sugar content. Is that right?
Mr. Allen: That’s right.
Ditzy babe: So, does that mean it’s bad for your teeth?
AP Biology class
Rochester, New York
