Girl #1: You know that gay guy that works second shift?
Girl #2: Yeah, what about him?
Girl #1: I took him out to meet all my hetero friends, and they enjoyed the shit out of him.
2800 East 28th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: snorted my diet mountain dew
Male worker #1, holding letter: Where should I put this?
Male worker #2: Let's just stick it in Phyllis's box.
Male worker #2: I like the sound of that!
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: She's elderly!
Sales to admin: Size doesn't matter. I've got a video you should watch. It'll teach you step by step how to do it right. It'll be great for both parties. She'll be begging for it.
Herndon, Virginia
Overheard by: Nate
Out-of-touch boss: I bust my nuts everyday trying to help you guys.
Knoxvegas, Tennessee
Guy: You want me to buy 60 dollars’ worth of butt-paste?
4803 Deer Lake Drive
Jacksonville, Florida
Secretary: Bye, guys. See you tomorrow.
Worker #1: Who the fuck was that?
Worker #2: The new sales secretary; she took [Carrie]’s place.
Worker #1: Who the fuck is [Carrie]?
Worker #2: She took over for [Gretchen].
Worker #1: Oh, hell. I don’t care about chicks’ names. I only care if I’m sleeping with them. And then sometimes I have to get up and check their purse for ID.
1313 North Industrial Boulevard
Dallas, Texas
Nurse: Yeah, and she came in with a bandanna rotting inside her. Her brilliant boyfriend used it as a condom.
Girl #1: Dude! Sperm will soak right through that shit! He should have used a plastic bag or something. Maybe some Saran Wrap and a rubber band.
Girl #2: Seriously! What if she got pregnant?
Girl #1: The baby will come out with a doo-rag on its head, saying, ‘Whassup, Moms?!’
Saratoga & Kiely
Overheard by: People are sick
Coworker #1: What are you doing this weekend?
Coworker #2: Maybe a movie.
Coworker #3: Man, it’s a lot harder to have sex downtown than I thought it would be.
Coworkers #1 and #2: [stunned silence].
Vernon Hills, Illinois
Overheard by: This Guy
Marketing coworker: My wife is an identical twin.
AP coworker: Did you ever ask them for a threesome?
Marketing coworker: Hell no! My wife's twin is a pain in the ass!
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Paul: When did you lose your virginity?
Mike: Well, I was sixteen. But I touched my first vagina when I was six.
Paul: What?
Mike: Yeah. We were playing a game I like to call, “Dr. Pokey Fingers.”
Stamford, Connecticut
