Male employee #1: I am going out on a date tonight with a 4'11″ Filipina. She runs triathlons.
Male employee #2: That's short. You know, her head will be at about your stomach.
Male employee #1, after long pause: I kind of want her to break me.
Sacramento, California
Coworker #1: I don't want Grant to see my notes.
Coworker #2: You did say “notes,” right? Not “nuts”?
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: It was a universal sentiment.
Female program manager: You got a sec?
Male program manager: I have lots of secs.
(pause)
Engineer: He means he has a lot of time.
Utah
Overheard by: Snickering Intern
Boss: What's up?
Underling: Trying to dig deep, man. Make something happen.
Boss: I do that every morning around 10… Make something big happen.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Could you be anymore Michael Scott?
Guy #1: Have you ever thought about a vagina being like an “inverted” penis?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1, continuing anyways: That way, if you were to “hit bottom” on a girl, that would mean that your penis was technically “bigger” than hers.
Guy #2: I want to kill myself for having been involved in this conversation.
Joplin, Missouri
Male sales rep, about client meeting: So, I heard you were out with a bunch of guys.
Female sales rep: Yeah, four of them!
Male sales rep: Wow, you need a towel?
Omaha, Nebraska
Female med student, yawning: Wow, am I tired!
Male med student: Oh, yeah, I'm really hot and bothered too!
(female med student stares)
Male med student: Oh, wait… That's not what you said, is it?
Female med student: No. That is not what I said.
Warren, Michigan
Overheard by: Emily
Coworker on phone: I don't want to know, dude. It's like if the condom broke with a skank… I really don't want to think about the pregnancy, or if she has the herpes, until she gets a tummy or I get a cold sore.
Boca Raton, Florida
Marketing manager: Do you want some vegan nuts?
Operations wonk (after long pause): I don't think you should ever say that to me again.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Septimus
Cube guy #1: Yeah, you should go to the overseas office if you get a chance, they treat you real nice there.
Cube guy #2: Really?
Cube guy #1: Yeah, they were real good to me.
Cube guy #2: Yeah? They give you the reach-around?
Supervisor, walking by on the way to his office: What?
Austin, Texas
