Boss: Call it ‘team environment,’ because I don’t like the word ‘culture.’ It reminds me of that other word. You know, what they call my church…?
Office manager: [Stares in silence.]Boss: Cult! They call it a cult.
Manitoba
Canadia
Boss: Call it ‘team environment,’ because I don’t like the word ‘culture.’ It reminds me of that other word. You know, what they call my church…?
Office manager: [Stares in silence.]Boss: Cult! They call it a cult.
Manitoba
Canadia
Boss: What time did this get here this morning?
Employee: Jesus!
Boss: Uh… What time is the exterminator going to be here tonight, and are you staying?
Employee: Jesus!
Boss: Why are you answering all my questions with “Jesus”?
Employee: A woman on the train this morning was holding a sign that said “Jesus is the only answer.” I thought I'd try to prove that. From your response, I'm assuming that isn't true.
Manhattan, New York
Coworker #1: Anyone want to go out to lunch with me? I'm so hungry.
Coworker #2: I can't, I brought Indian for lunch today.
Coworker #1: Man, I am so hungry I would eat an Indian right now.
Coworker #2: Do you think they taste like curry?
Coworker #1: What?
Coworker #2: Curry. You know, because they eat so much of it. Wouldn't it be ironic if they tasted like cow? Ganesh would not like that.
Coworker #1: I'm going to go get pizza.
Seattle, Washington
Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, “Baby…I have been reading my Bible for 53 years…and I can tell you read your Bible, too…” So, I in my best Southern voice, said, “Yes, ma’am…I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word.” But, I was just bullshitting. I’m probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide…She can’t wipe her own ass…She’s about to die…and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving…gotta get that bonus. Y’know?
1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
CPA, referring to Buddhist temple client: For me, karma is like retained earnings.
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: George
Male sales rep: He's nice. You'll like him. Oh, he's religious, so watch what you say–not that you cuss or anything…
Female sales rep: No, it's cool. I can throw in some baby Jesus references. Whatever.
Irving, Texas
IT guy on phone: Yeah, we had to let Sam* go this weekend. (pause) Yeah, the server's fixed. (pause) Uh, it's sort of weird. (pause) Yeah, well… He was on call rotation and got called in. He was high. (pause) He brought ten packs of pasta noodles with him, and jammed each noodle into the mail server intake fan. (pause) Something like that. He said the sound the noodles made against the Delta fans was the sound of the Microsoft demons being cast from the server. (pause) He managed to fill the server case with noodle shrapnel, which made the system overheat. (pause) How would I know if he successfully cast the demons from the server? (pause) No, it's still booting server 2008, if that's what you mean.
Winnipeg
Canadia
Doctor: So, you aren't eating or drinking water during the day for a whole month?
Muslim med student: Yep, but it's not so bad, it gives us time to reflect and pray.
Doctor: Wow, well, thanks for telling me about Ramadan. Now let's figure out our schedule for the day. Have you eaten lunch yet?
Medical Center
Richmond, Virginia
Cubicle #1: Oh, Jesus!
Cubicle #2: Why are you saying “Oh, Jesus”? I thought you were a Baha'i?.
Cubicle #1: Because it's easier than saying “Oh Bahá'u'lláh.”
Irving, Texas
Co-worker: This report is bullshit.
Boss: Did you just say “bullshit”? I thought you folks weren’t allowed to swear?
Co-worker: I didn’t swear.
Boss: Yeah you did, no big deal. I don’t want your turban to unfurl.
1 Technology Drive
Milpitas, California
