Religion

CSR, sighing at computer: Jesus hates me. [Alarmed when notices customer] I didn’t mean that.
Customer: No, it’s okay. He probably does.

1400 Apalachee Parkway
Tallahassee, Florida

Coworker #1: What radio station do you listen to on your way to work?
Coworker #2: I listen to a Christian station so I can prepare myself for dealing with you assholes.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: one of the assholes

Security guard #1: Well you know Hitler's mother was Jewish.
Supervisor: I know! Wouldn't Freud have had a field day with that?
Security guard #2: Who?
Supervisor: You know, Sigmund Freud?
Security guard #2: Oh, the magician?
Security guard #1: What?
Security guard #2: You know, the magician with the tigers?
Supervisor: Thats Sigfried and Roy!

Lakeport, California

IT worker to Vietnamese coworker: Is that the day Buddha came down from the mountain?

Richmond, Virginia

Co-worker #1: So, do you get Columbus Day off from school?
Co-worker #2: No, we only get holidays for black people and Jesus.

6101 Broadway Street
San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: Salena Arledge

Older black lady, at a young couple kissing and groping in a line of people waiting to pay their power bills: What the hell is wrong with these peoples? Jesus needs to come down and knock some damn sense into their stupid motherfucking ass.

Nevada Power Company
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Annmarie

Bus driver, over intercom, on a crowded bus about to let on more passengers: All standees please drop your backpacks to your feet and move to the back of the bus.
(no one moves)
Bus driver: This is the voice of God. Thou shalt drop your bags to your feet and move to the back of the bus.

Davis, California

Overheard by: Natalie T.

Girl #1: Why does God send all the crazy callers to me?
Girl #2: Because he sees you touch yourself at night.

Bloomington, Illinois

Former Mormon chick: I’m not really into religion anymore.
Dude: Oh, yeah?
Former Mormon chick: Yeah. I think I’m a Deist.
Dude: That’s interesting.
Former Mormon chick: I need to research what that means, though.

Salt Lake City, Utah

Intern #1, breaking office silence: I want to go to the zoo.
Intern #2: I hate religion.
(intern #3 chokes and spits water on herself)

Toronto, Canadia