Questions

But I Claimed It in the Name Of the Queen Of Spain!

Boss man: There's a men's bathroom and a women's bathroom. I don't want to see anyone using the women's bathroom… Use the men's room.
Worker: You talking to me? Are you saying I use the women's room? I don't! Who told you that?
Boss man: I don't know who it is. I don't care. Just use the men's bathroom.
Worker: Is it me? Cuz you're looking at me.
Boss man: Fine, it's you. Don't use the women's bathroom.
Worker: Who told you I was using the women's bathroom? I don't use the women's bathroom.
Boss man: I didn't say it was you, but if you think it was you, it was you. Don't use the womens bathroom.

Newark, New Jersey

That's a Dude's Name, Isn't It?

Borders customer: It's by… I don't know her name, but she's the new Poet Laureate.
Borders clerk: Her name is “Laureate”?
Borders customer, sighing: Never mind.

Sunnyvale, California

You're Fired.

Salesman to manager: One of my customers is looking for prices on a laptop.
Manager: Okay, what is he looking for?
Salesman: A laptop.
Manager: Yes, but what is he looking for? I can get him a piece of crap for next to nothing, or a real expensive one. What is he looking for? What specifications and size is he looking for, and what extras?
Salesman: Okay, I'll find out.
(three minutes later, after phoning customer)
Salesman: He is looking for one, the size of an adult male's hands placed next to each other.

Pretoria
South Africa

The DMV Experience: Explained

Employee #1: It's 5 O'clock somewhere!
Employee #2: It's 5 O'clock at my desk. What do you think this water in my bottle here is?

Glendale, California

…But Don't Tell Your Step-Sister I Said That.

Admin on phone with daughter: Sure, you can go to Puerto Rico with the Jones*. (pause) How far is Puerto Rico, anyways? (pause) It's not really that far, right? It's like, part of the US, but it's one of those things–like a stepchild.

Lutherville, Maryland

The Eternal Question

Male coworker, carrying apple and pear into break room: Who took my banana?

Ridge, New York

Oh, Leave Carol from Accounting Alone.

Boss, about to hang up on someone calling into the meeting: Is there anything else?
Colleague: No, I think I'm done.
Boss: Good, 'cause I got my finger on the button over here. I feel like the little boy with his finger in the dike.

Washington, DC

Sigh. Boys.

Director: How you doing?
Sales rep #1: I'm good… but I've had a migraine all week.
Director: That sucks, doing anything this weekend?
Sales rep #1: Nah, I haven't done anything all week. I saw District 9 last night, though.
Director: Did you like it? I've heard mixed reviews.
Sales rep #1: I liked the social commentary. Plus, shit blows up. It can be the worst movie ever, but if shit blows up, I'm gonna watch it.
Director: Oh, hell yeah! You gotta watch it if shit blows up. That's like Terminator. You watch it cause shit blows up.
Sales rep #1: Yeah, or every Rambo movie.
Sales rep #2: How can you watch Rambo movies?
Director and sales rep #1: Shit blows up!

Charlotte, North Carolina

And I'll Bet They Have Miserable Lives Without Them!

Worker #1: We grilled chicken hearts the other night.
Worker #2: Really? Like, how big are they?
Worker #1, gesturing: Not very. We have to make several skewers full because they are so little.
Worker #2: Do you even know how many chickens it takes to get one heart? Poor things!

Virginia

Men Carry a Whole Different Set Of Grudges

Male coworker #1: Megan* says she's going to Taco Bell for lunch and she hopes nobody is pissed.
Male coworker #2: Why would someone be pissed?
Male coworker #1: Cause she knows that you like some Taco Bell.
Male coworker #2: I do,but I certainly am not in the business of depriving people of Taco Bell.

Lynchburg, Virginia

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