Colleague, on phone to is help desk: Hi, I'd like to report that we haven't had access to the internet for two days now.
Help desk: Okay, we'll log it as an issue.
Colleague: What happens now?
Help desk: We'll report it to security to look at.
Colleague: And what will they do?
Help desk: They'll look at it.
Manchester, New Hampshire
Attorney, leaving voicemail: Hi, this is Kate. I'm just returning your call about the project documents. Feel free to call me back at your earliest convenience. Best, Kate.
(hangs up, then screams) Ohmigod! I just said “best, Kate” at the end of a voicemail. Who does that? Who leaves voice mails like they're writing e-mails?!
Manhattan, New York
Director of logistics on phone: They're all a bunch of space whores. And we're the willing Johns.
Cupertino, California
Boss on phone: We had them over a barrel, and now they want to test the waters and see if it's greener on the other side.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Coworker on phone: But you'll stand outside for me because you think my tractor's sexy.
Chickasha, Oklahoma
Coworker on phone: If you ever do that again, I'm gonna spank your ass.
Calgary
Canadia
Boss on phone with tech support: Wait… What is a colon? (pause) The dot and the squiggle line or the dot and the dot? (pause) Hello? Are you listening to me? (pause) No, I'm not stupid, I'm German.
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: Mystique
Loud secretary on phone: Ohhh, you said “Laurie.” I thought you said “Willie Nelson.”
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: jim from the office
Admin on phone with daughter: Sure, you can go to Puerto Rico with the Jones*. (pause) How far is Puerto Rico, anyways? (pause) It's not really that far, right? It's like, part of the US, but it's one of those things–like a stepchild.
Lutherville, Maryland
Boss, about to hang up on someone calling into the meeting: Is there anything else?
Colleague: No, I think I'm done.
Boss: Good, 'cause I got my finger on the button over here. I feel like the little boy with his finger in the dike.
Washington, DC
