For a Uniform Green, You Have to Water Both Sides Of Chia Customers

Boss on phone: We had them over a barrel, and now they want to test the waters and see if it's greener on the other side.

Colorado Springs, Colorado

Posted on January 22, 2010
Bosses, Colorado, Colors, Compare and contrast, On the phone, Wishes

Like Renee Zellweger, You'll Get Over It

Coworker on phone: But you'll stand outside for me because you think my tractor's sexy.

Chickasha, Oklahoma

Posted on January 1, 2010
Coworkers, Oklahoma, On the phone, Sexuality, Technology, Weirdness

Translation: I Hope You Do It Again Soon

Coworker on phone: If you ever do that again, I'm gonna spank your ass.

Calgary
Canadia

Posted on December 31, 2009
Body Parts, Canadia, Coworkers, On the phone, Threats, Violence

We Prefer Weaponry to Punctuation

Boss on phone with tech support: Wait… What is a colon? (pause) The dot and the squiggle line or the dot and the dot? (pause) Hello? Are you listening to me? (pause) No, I'm not stupid, I'm German.

Ocala, Florida

Overheard by: Mystique

Posted on December 22, 2009
Dumb Bosses, Florida, General Idiocy, Language barrier, On the phone, Questions, Tech People, Words

Um, All I Said Was “Hello”

Loud secretary on phone: Ohhh, you said “Laurie.” I thought you said “Willie Nelson.”

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: jim from the office

Posted on December 22, 2009
Admins, General Idiocy, Names, New York, On the phone

…But Don't Tell Your Step-Sister I Said That.

Admin on phone with daughter: Sure, you can go to Puerto Rico with the Jones*. (pause) How far is Puerto Rico, anyways? (pause) It's not really that far, right? It's like, part of the US, but it's one of those things–like a stepchild.

Lutherville, Maryland

Posted on December 15, 2009
Admins, Compare and contrast, Family, Family members, General Idiocy, Geography & History, Maryland, On the phone, Questions, Travel

Oh, Leave Carol from Accounting Alone.

Boss, about to hang up on someone calling into the meeting: Is there anything else?
Colleague: No, I think I'm done.
Boss: Good, 'cause I got my finger on the button over here. I feel like the little boy with his finger in the dike.

Washington, DC

Posted on December 14, 2009
Body Parts, Bosses, Compare and contrast, General Idiocy, Meetings, On the phone, Questions, Washington DC

Or at Least Send Over a Camera Crew

Coworker on phone: Look, she's not my girlfriend, she's just my roommate–you can't evict me because she is walking around outside the apartment with no pants on. Okay, I'll come try to get her to put her pants back on.

Phoenix, Arizona