On the phone

Boss on cell: It's sort of like that throat-clearing noise favored by the Germans, you know?

Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: Ahem

Older lady on phone: I don’t have any gorillas today! (Pause) No, I’m sorry. I was just trying to be funny.

Hose parts corporate office
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Hiding in my cube

Movie studio art director answering phone: Okay, how about this… “Dear America, grow a fucking pair of balls. Thank you.” Bye. (hangs up)

Santa Monica, California

CSR on phone: [Comtech], accounts receiveable, this is [Brett]…Yes, this is [Comtech]…This is the accounts receivable department, yes…My name is [Brett]…[Brett]!

420 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Lady peon on cell: … And then there was a picture of him with a beer can up his butt.

Armar Drive
Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Overheard by: b

Girl on cell: Did I show my tits? Well, I know what that means. If a guy dreams about a girl he knows and she’s naked, then it doesn’t mean that he, you know, likes her or wants to fuck her. It means that he cherishes her. Yeah, really. [Long pause.] Well, I don’t know what that means. That’s the weirdest dream I ever heard.

University of Colorado
Boulder, Colorado

Overheard by: Amused Psych Prof

Attorney on phone: What does it smell like?

Tysons Corner, Virginia

Cubicle drone on phone: So not only is it wild, but it's attached itself to you?

Plains, Pennsylvania

Peon, answering phone: Hello, XYZ* architects.
Caller: I'm from universal healthcare, is Mr. Smith* in?
Peon: No. I'm sorry, but he's retired.
Caller: Okay, but is he in?
Peon: No, he's retired.
Caller: Right, you said that, but is he in?
Peon: Do you not know what “retired” means?
Caller: I guess not.

Ybor City, Florida

Black suit on cell: Lemme get this straight — she filed a restraining order against you and you’re still calling her and sending her flowers? That ain’t love, man. That’s… insanity.

Montgomery, Alabama

Overheard by: Kim