Manager on phone, walking out of back office: Shut up! Just shut up! Jesus Christ! (hangs up phone).
(scared clerk is dead silent)
Manager: What? She's a bitch!
(phone rings)
Customer: Did I walk in on something?
Manager (calmly): Go to hell, mom. (angrily) I said go to hell! Die, bitch, die! (hangs up phone)
Scared clerk: You walked in on every day at this place. (shudders)
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Programmer, in otherwise quiet office: Wait, what? How is that “snickerdoodle” isn't in my phone's T9?
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Lady on cell: Hang on, some lady is peeing and I can’t hear you. (pause) No, I called from the bathroom because there’s no privacy at my cube.
Houston, Texas
Senior counsel, on phone with unfortunate client: It was a two-dump morning. Yeah, it was kind of soft.
Falls Church, Virginia
Caller: I just arrived at my lake house for the summer, and the satellite TV isn’t working! Why is it off?!
CSR: Sir, please stay calm. It’s simple: we just need to reset your receiver since you’ve been away for a while.
Caller: How long will that take?
CSR: It’s easy, sir. Do you have a potato handy?
Caller: Um, let me see… [Pause] Yes, we just picked some up at the store on our way in — stocking up.
CSR: Great, sir. An apple would also work. Now, what I need you to do is to cut that potato in half. Then I need you place one half of the potato face-down on top of your receiver. Please make sure it’s dry.
Caller: What?
CSR: Trust me, sir, I’m a professional. We’ll have your service back on in no time.
Caller: Okay… [Long pause] Alright, done. Now what?
CSR: Great, sir. The potato will act upon your receiver’s magnetic field and will bring the service back online momentarily. It’s a built-in security feature so that no one can use your dish while you’re away for most of the year.
CSR presses service reset button, remote satellite transmits ‘wake up’ signal to inactive receiver, TV comes on.
Caller: That’s amazing! Who’d have thought… a potato! Will this work every time?
CSR: Just give us a call if you have any problems in the future, and thank you for using this service.
Bradford Drive
Huntsville, Alabama
Auto claims adjuster on phone: I'm authorized to offer you $1,000 for the pain and suffering I'm about to give you.
Brentwood, Tennessee
Guy on cell: I can hardly hear you. It sounds like you’re in a coffin.
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: brian
Male coworker #1 on conference call: You don't want to blow your credibility right out of the gate.
Male coworker #2: Let me tell you, I blow credibility every day.
Chicago, Illinois
Rep on phone: You ever hear of a mojito? Well, I just created a new drink: the bro-jito.
10 S. Riverside Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Syd O’Banion
CSR, after completing a phone call with customer: He just sounds strange on the phone. He's either foreign or from Canada. I don't know which.
Romulus, Michigan
