On the phone

Which Is Why It Can't Be the Other Guy I Slept With

Very white girl in business suit on cell in cafeteria: No, I haven't told him yet, I just found out for sure this morning. (pause) Well, I don't have his phone number anymore, I took it out of my phone so I wouldn't drunk dial. (pause) I don't know, I know his address, so maybe I'll just send him a card. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm having a baby, and so are you”. (pause) Hey, maybe a singing telegram to him at work. That'll go over big. (pause) He's an elementary school teacher… that would probably get him fired. (pulls out ghetto accent) And you know my baby daddy better have hisself a job!

Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Currrly!

That’s What the Cargo Pockets are For

Suit on cell: I’m going home and changing into shorts. It’s so hot out there I need to throw up.

Washington Mutual
Livermore, California

Overheard by: Stephen

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Attorney: Oh, god, not her. She is an insufferable hag. Tell her I’m not in the office.
Temp on phone: I’m sorry, ma’am, he’s out of the office… Well, I apologize, but he’s not here right now… Yes, I’m aware that lying to another attorney is unethical… Ma’am, you did not hear his voice in the background… No, I’m telling you, he’s not here… Well, how do you know that was his voice? Couldn’t it have been an intern or another attorney? … Well if it sounded like him, who’s to say his son isn’t visiting today and that’s whose voice you heard? Yes, I’ll give him the message. Thank you.
Attorney: So… Have you considered law school?

Long Island law firm
Long Island, New York

…Think It's, Like, Military Code?

Older male student records assistant on phone: Does the word “Firefox” mean anything to you?

Walnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Why Law Students Are No Longer Allowed to Read Shakespeare

Partner, on phone: Vengeance is mine, sayeth the lawyer. He will pay.

Huntington, New York

Overheard by: Lady Lawyer

You Know, I Have the Same Problem at Home

Employee (during global teleconference with CEO): I don't have a question, but I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to work here. Although I am deaf, it hasn't stopped me from having a chance of proving myself.
CEO: I appreciate your comment. That is a subject that is near and dear to my heart, since I have a son who is deaf.
Employee: What?

New Jersey

Overheard by: Snickering

It’ll Be Our Little Secret

Male worker on phone: Yeah, I always think your name is Victoria. I said, I always think your name is Victoria. No, I know that. I still think your name is Victoria.

1166 6th Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Duncan

Has She Tried Using Her Teeth?

Woman on phone with client: Yes, this is about the files you sent. My colleague has been trying since morning but could not open your zip!

New York City, New York

Not Until the Republicans Take Congress Back, Anyway

Secretary: Nicole is on the phone for you.
Boss: Oh, man!
Secretary: I can get rid of her for you… Not in a mobster kind of way!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Without Warning, My Metaphor Turned on Me

Peon on phone: No, no, I believe that you sent it. I just didn’t receive it. I even told Jen* that you wouldn’t drop the ball. You are on the ball. You are on balls I haven’t even seen yet.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: OMG

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