Urologist: Can we do a time-out, please?
Nurse: Mr. Henderson* is here for a cystoscopy. You've seen this patient before.
Urologist: I've never heard of him. (uncovers the field) Hmmmm. I don't remember the patient's name, but I have seen this penis before.
Hospital, Virginia
Overheard by: CJ Wiretap
Receptionist: I have Ms Jones* on the phone, she still has pain and wants to know if you will refill her Endocet prescription.
Doctor: No. She can have Vicodin.
Receptionist: She's allergic to Vicodin.
Doctor: Then she has to go to the hospital.
Receptionist (after speaking on telephone again): She asks if these are her only options: take medication she's allergic to or go to the hospital?
Doctor: Tell her I'm not here.
Kinnelon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Boss to secretary: You know what I still have?
Secretary: Herpes.
Boss: Uh, err, get back to work!
Mullica Hill Road
Glassboro, New Jersey
Director, shouting from inside her office: Just eat the damn strudel and shut up!
Moline, Illinois
Overheard by: Dzesika
Male work-study student: I was gonna give a dozen roses to this girl I liked, but I decided not to. Do you want them?
Female full-time professional: If anyone's gonna give me 12 of anything it's gonna be inches.
University
El Paso, Texas
New client: Excuse me, but I think there's been a mistake. I don't need to see an attorney. I thought I made an appointment to meet with a legal aide… A legal… You know… What are they called?
Legal assistant: No, ma'am. Everyone meets with the attorney. They are the only ones qualified to give legal advice. Otherwise it's considered practicing law without a license.
New client: But I don't need legal advice, I just need someone to tell me what the law says!
Country Club Road
Eugene, Oregon
Professor, to student who changed seats in between classes: It's okay if you sit there from now on, but you've got to be willing to commit. It's like monogomy -once you've made up your mind you've got to stick to your choice!
Loyola University
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: saelo
Coworker (loudly): Wow, it's really quiet in here!
Sales rep #1: Not anymore.
Sales rep #2: Shut up! You're ruining it!
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Anchor, supplying a plastic knife to another: Here, Will. Feel free to slather your banana.
Newsroom
New York City, New York
Bill: I wish we had a bar like Cheers where everyone knows your name.
Shawn: Maybe we could wear nametags next time we go to a happy hour?
Howard: We wore nametags at your company's happy hour fundraiser and no one remembered shit.
Shawn: Hey!
Bill: That's because the employees of Shawn's company are slow in the head.
Shawn: Okay, we may be slow, but at least we aren't uh… (pause) I'll think of something (scratches head) just give me a minute.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Management Ninja!
