Offers and requests

11AM Interviews

Interviewer: Are you persuasive?
Candidate: I call it force of personality. Like, I read people and
then I get them to do things by acting different ways. Like some people, I yell at them. I’m not mean but I yell at them. But like my boss, I can’t yell at him.
Interviewer:Because he’s your boss?
Candidate: No. He does better if I do like, a little girl act. You know? Like, “Oh please.”
Interviewer: Um, okay. So, who is your favorite designer?…This isn’t a trick question. I just want to know.
Candidate: My favorite designer is United Colors of Benetton.

721 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: mean girls

She'll Get Your Good Side, If You Have One

Neurologist: Okay, well, Tim…the bathroom's right around the corner. Why don't you head in there and go as much as you can? Then Carol will come in and take a picture.

Shelbyville, Indiana

Overheard by: Confused at the Neurologist

So When You Called Me a Bitch…

Tax guy, planning baby shower and creating a gag gift: Hey Laurel, I need your six nipples first thing in the morning!

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: Erin

Anyway, They’re All Too High to Read Mail

Co-Worker: Okay, on the spreadsheet we need the city and postal codes for all of your employees in the Netherlands.
Client: Uh, there’s none on file. We just send to “the Netherlands.”

3600 Mansell Road
Alpharetta, Georgia

Overheard by: jenny from the block

…Now Would You Prefer a Metal or Wooden Bat?

Auto claims adjuster on phone: I'm authorized to offer you $1,000 for the pain and suffering I'm about to give you.

Brentwood, Tennessee

4PM Smoke Break

Soldier #3 has a glass eye. It is out of his head and lying on the desk.

Soldier #1: Hey [John], let’s go have a smoke.
Soldier #2: Alright. [Places cigarette in mouth and walks toward door.] Soldier #3: Hey dumbass, you’re inside! Get that fuckin’ cigarette out of your mouth!
Soldier #2: Hey Blackbeard, get a fuckin’ eye in your head!

Building 2411-B
Fort Eustis, Virginia

Overheard by: SGT Grier

You Too, Mrs. Parks

Bus driver, over intercom, on a crowded bus about to let on more passengers: All standees please drop your backpacks to your feet and move to the back of the bus.
(no one moves)
Bus driver: This is the voice of God. Thou shalt drop your bags to your feet and move to the back of the bus.

Davis, California

Overheard by: Natalie T.

Just Look Over There for a Minute

Manager: How is your monitor? It's not very old, right?
Cubicle chick: It works, yeah.
Manager: I'm going to get everyone flat screens eventually, but I'm going to do it two or three at a time.
Cubicle chick: Awesome!
Manager: But yours looks pretty good for now.
Cubicle chick: I can break it if you want me to.
Manager: I'd rather…. you didn't.
Cubicle chick: Gotcha.

England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Even If It Is Very Controversial

Clinic pharmacist to nurse practitioners: Can we please not talk about my vagina anymore today?

Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: It’s not THAT kind of clinic!

If I'm Off by Even One Millimeter, We Might Experience Complete Proton Reversal

Boss: Tara, there is a big stack of Christmas cards on your chair. Please put stamps on each one and make sure they are exactly a quarter inch from both the side and the top of the envelope.
Tara, to coworker: Can you bring a ruler over here? I need to put stamps on the Christmas cards.

Old Town
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Glad I'm not the new girl

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