Boss: The funniest thing just happened. I’ve had a banana in my bag for like a month. When I opened my bag a whole bunch of gnats flew out!
Underling: Is that why there are flys all over our windowless office?
Boss: No.
10201 W. Pico Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Diner #1: It’s got just a shade of spice?
Diner #2: Hmmm…
Diner #1: Because I really don’t like the bacon super spicy…
Waiter: Um, yes.
Smoketown Road
Woodbridge, Virginia
Receptionist, in disappointed voice: Ice cream may be something that has to happen in my bed tonight.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Office Ninja
Worker: I need to go home and brush my teeth. My mouth tastes like Mexican people.
401 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Co-worker #1: We’re going to a vegetarian place for lunch.
Co-worker #2: Do you think they’ll have fish there?
3415 S. Sepulveda Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Boss eating old almonds: Oh… God… I feel like I’m eating from a squirrel’s ass.
Goderich
Ontario
Canadia
Sales guy, entering a meeting: Sorry I’m late…
Director of marketing: You brought doughnuts? Coffee?
Sales guy: No.
Director of marketing: Then you’re dead to us. Get out.
105 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Concerned office lady: I had a bottle of cranberry juice in the fridge of the cafeteria with my name on it, and it disappeared. The problem is, it was a mixture of cranberry juice and some of my cancer treatment drugs. I hope no one drank it.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: No Longer Thirsty
Co-worker: This lunchtime let’s lock ourselves in a toilet cubicle with a knife, some string and a needle, and see what happens.
144 Uxbridge Road
Shepherd’s Bush, London
UK
Coworker #1: I cannot wait for lunch.
Coworker #2: Do you want something from the vending machine?
Coworker #1: No, I want like food-food.
Coworker #3: Uh, what's “food-food”, Sarah*?
Coworker #1, dumbfounded: Um… Like food that's filling. Not just chips or something.
Coworker #3: Oh, like chicken?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: also dumbfounded
