Office manager: Why is there toilet paper on the floor? Are you a shithead?
Flushing
Queens, New York
Electrical foreman on radio to electrician: Okay, here goes.
Electrician: We've got a huge electrical arc goin' on here!
Electrical foreman: Well, don't touch it!
Electrician: Well, fuckin' duh! Er, I mean… 10-4.
Phoenix, Arizona
Office drone #1: Is there any money left for this?
Gay manager: No. Well, there's some money, but I can't give it all to you.
Office drone #1: Well, we need more.
Gay manager: Well, you can't have more. I'll give you half, okay?
Office drone #1: God, you are such a tight arse.
Office drone #2, in panic: You can't say that to a gay homosexual!
South Morang
Australia
Overheard by: Straight and amused.
Office chick: Welcome to imports. Please enjoy the music while you slowly lose your fucking mind.
Guy: I know. I have a bad feeling about this.
Office chick: Yeah… I usually wake up with that.
Boston, Massachusetts
Partner #1: Now we'll have to kiss that Jew bastard's fat ass all day long.
Partner #2: What Jew bastard?
Partner #1: Our fucking kike client, that's who!
Partner #2: We should've stayed in Albany, where we could tell those Jew bastards where to go.
Partner #1: Yeah, those were the days alright.
Manhattan, New York
Ditzy blonde intern: I just met the cutest guy on the elevator!
Less ditzy staff: Oh, which office does he work for?
Ditzy blonde intern: Hold on, he gave me his card. (shuffles through purse) Pol–politico's office?
Less ditzy staff: Shit, you talked to the press! You know you're not supposed to talk to those assholes!
Ditzy blonde intern: Shit! Are they gonna fire me?
Less ditzy staff: What are you gonna do about this?
Ditzy blonde intern, after long pause: Does politico do takebacks?
Washington, DC
Female coworker #1: Ohmigod, my plant's dead…
Female coworker #2: I can't believe you whined and complained for months about how you didn't get a “new hire plant” like everyone else, and when you get one… a week later it's dead because you don't water it.
Female coworker #3: I heard all these plants are responsibility tests. If you kill the plant, you're gone.
Boss over intercom to coworker #1: Report to my office immediately.
Female coworker #2: He knows about the plant.
Female coworker #1: Fuck.
McKinney, Texas
Male Student #1: Yeah, and he wouldn't even look at me in the shower.
Male Student #2: What the fuck's his problem?
Chicago, Illinois
Male coworker to female supervisor: Sorry about your son.
Female supervisor: He's a wimp!
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Neighbor with headphones on
Employee: My hand is starting to tingle. It might be carpal tunnel.
Boss: Stop being a little bitch.
Financial Firm
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Michael
