Soldier #3 has a glass eye. It is out of his head and lying on the desk.
Soldier #1: Hey [John], let’s go have a smoke.
Soldier #2: Alright. [Places cigarette in mouth and walks toward door.]
Soldier #3: Hey dumbass, you’re inside! Get that fuckin’ cigarette out of your mouth!
Soldier #2: Hey Blackbeard, get a fuckin’ eye in your head!
Building 2411-B
Fort Eustis, Virginia
Overheard by: SGT Grier
Customer #1: Does the Peaks Island Ferry go to Peaks Island?
Ticket agent: Yes.
Customer#1: Does it come back?
Customer #2: No, it’s the barge to Hades. It only goes one way.
Casco Bay Lines Ferry Terminal
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Jeff Jenks
Coworker: Oh, you know what? I'm retarded.
East Windsor, Connecticut
Patient #1 to family member on Skype: Yeah, they're taking real good care of me. (to nurse) Say hi to my sister.
(nurse leans in to computer screen, waves hello)
Family member on Skype: Is he being a good patient?
Patient #2, on other side of curtain: He's cryin' like a little bitch!
Stony Brook Hospital
Long Island, New York
Old woman: How dare you pick me up in a truck? I drive a Cadillac and you pick me up in a truck?! This is the last Cadillac I ever buy from you!
Manager: That’s not much of a threat, now, is it? Seriously, look at you. I mean, there’s not a lot of Cadillacs left in you, is there?
Car dealership
Ohio
One guy steps up to the tall urinal, while the other man, a little person, steps up to the short urinal. The tall guy looks over and
comments: I guess they installed that urinal especially for you to use.
6821 Montevideo Sq. Ct.
Falls Church, Virginia
Overheard by: Ron Rammelkamp
Worker #1: I wish I lived in a time where we could call women what they really are.
Worker #2: What should we call them?
Worker #1: Whores.
Herndon, Virginia
One VP to another: Well, it was a dumb thing to do. But it wasn’t the first dumb thing we’ve done.
1501 Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Pirate Wench
Female office worker #1, about anal sex: I've never had a guy even try… I wonder if it's because of us, or the guys we date?
Female office worker #2: I don't think it's me. It must be the guys. You go for the “sensitive type.”
Female office worker #1: Yeah … and you go for douchebags.
Commonwealth Ave
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Oh Dear
Person #1: Remember our old boss that nine people quit because of?
Person #2: Um, how could I not remember crazy McBitcherson?
Person #1: Well, two people have already quit because of her at her new job. My roommate works there.
Person #2: Wow. Someone should start a blog about her and entitle it: “That bitch is whack”.
Person #1: I’m on it!
Washington, DC
