That One Got Turned Into a Puppet for My Son’s Play

Boss: Why don’t I just shove a sock down your throat to shut you up?
Secretary: Yeah that’s fine, just make sure it’s not the sock you stuff your pants with!

Company Office
Fort Drum, New York

Posted on November 25, 2015
Anger management, Body Parts, Bosses and Underlings, Comebacks, Default, Insults, New York, Threats, Violence

Norman Bates Is Still Working Out His Mom Issues

Manager on phone, walking out of back office: Shut up! Just shut up! Jesus Christ! (hangs up phone).
(scared clerk is dead silent)
Manager: What? She's a bitch!
(phone rings)
Customer: Did I walk in on something?
Manager (calmly): Go to hell, mom. (angrily) I said go to hell! Die, bitch, die! (hangs up phone)
Scared clerk: You walked in on every day at this place. (shudders)

Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Posted on November 22, 2015
Bosses, Customers, Employees, Florida, Insults, On the phone, Violence

The Line Between Cute and Crazy Is Obvious to Everyone but the Addict

Developer: And so I told the client that she can add cats till…the cats come home. And then I'm done with her. Because there's no fucking way I'm adding any more cats to this printer cartridge selling website.

Mesa, Arizona

Overheard by: Chris Cardinal

Posted on November 16, 2015
Animals, Arizona, Insults, Internet, Tech People, Weirdness

Raise Your Hand If You Think “Yeah” Is Still Unprofessional

Boss, reading through company e-mails: Can I talk to you about this e-mail you sent to a client?
Employee: Sure.
Boss: In this e-mail you started out with the word “yay”; when I read this it struck me as very unprofessional. You shouldn't use the word “yay” when speaking with our clients.
Employee: That doesn't say “yay, it says “yeah”. It's a response to a question the client had.
Boss: Y-e-a-h is “yay.” Let's not use it in e-mails in the future, okay?
Employee: Okay (then under breath as he walks away) Fucking moron!

Salt Lake City, Utah

Posted on November 13, 2015
Advice, Dumb Bosses, Employees, General Idiocy, Insults, Internet, Questions, Utah, Words

Then at Least I'll Be Hung.

Head cashier: Suck my cock!
Cashier: I'm gonna hang you by your ovaries!

Lake Success, New York

Posted on November 12, 2015
Body Parts, Comebacks, Coworkers, Insults, New York, Threats, Violence

Boot Camp Is Over — We’re Goin’ to War

Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy.
Dad: No.
Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy… P’ease?
Dad: No. C’mon, we taught you how to walk for a goddamned reason. Let’s move it.

Target
Avon, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Posted on November 11, 2015
Indiana, Insults, Students

She Had an Entire Human Being inside Her — What’s Your Excuse?

Manager #1: Amy* had her baby last week.
Manager #2: Who’s Amy?
Manager #1: She’s one of our graphic design artists. She’s very beautiful.
VP: Yeah, she is pretty. And she looked really good… Well, up until the end.

2700 West Plano Parkway
Plano, Texas

Overheard by: soolka

Posted on November 7, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Gossip, Insults, Texas

2PM Call Technician

Copier Technician: Sir, your software isn’t compatible with this machine. It’s outdated.
Offie Manager: Well, the sales guy promised it would work.
Copier Technician: Did you try it out before you bought it?
Office Manager: No, I trusted the sales guy that it would do what he said it would do.
Copier Technician: Well, this isn’t the first time you’ve dealt with a sales person, is it? When I make a significant purchase, I try it before I sign the contract.
Office Manager: How you ever going to get married, son?
Copier Technician: Sorry?
Office Manager: I said how you ever going to get married?
Copier Technician: I am married, sir.
Office Manager: Well, did you try out your wife before you got married?
Copier Technician: What?

310 Dorla Court
Zephyr Cove, Nevada