Developer: And so I told the client that she can add cats till…the cats come home. And then I'm done with her. Because there's no fucking way I'm adding any more cats to this printer cartridge selling website.
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Boss, reading through company e-mails: Can I talk to you about this e-mail you sent to a client?
Employee: Sure.
Boss: In this e-mail you started out with the word “yay”; when I read this it struck me as very unprofessional. You shouldn't use the word “yay” when speaking with our clients.
Employee: That doesn't say “yay, it says “yeah”. It's a response to a question the client had.
Boss: Y-e-a-h is “yay.” Let's not use it in e-mails in the future, okay?
Employee: Okay (then under breath as he walks away) Fucking moron!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Head cashier: Suck my cock!
Cashier: I'm gonna hang you by your ovaries!
Lake Success, New York
Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy.
Dad: No.
Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy… P’ease?
Dad: No. C’mon, we taught you how to walk for a goddamned reason. Let’s move it.
Target
Avon, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Manager #1: Amy* had her baby last week.
Manager #2: Who’s Amy?
Manager #1: She’s one of our graphic design artists. She’s very beautiful.
VP: Yeah, she is pretty. And she looked really good… Well, up until the end.
2700 West Plano Parkway
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: soolka
Copier Technician: Sir, your software isn’t compatible with this machine. It’s outdated.
Offie Manager: Well, the sales guy promised it would work.
Copier Technician: Did you try it out before you bought it?
Office Manager: No, I trusted the sales guy that it would do what he said it would do.
Copier Technician: Well, this isn’t the first time you’ve dealt with a sales person, is it? When I make a significant purchase, I try it before I sign the contract.
Office Manager: How you ever going to get married, son?
Copier Technician: Sorry?
Office Manager: I said how you ever going to get married?
Copier Technician: I am married, sir.
Office Manager: Well, did you try out your wife before you got married?
Copier Technician: What?
310 Dorla Court
Zephyr Cove, Nevada
Coworker #1: Do you want to see my diamond?
Coworker #2: That’s not a diamond — that’s your camel toe!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: i got a million of them….
Soldier #3 has a glass eye. It is out of his head and lying on the desk.
Soldier #1: Hey [John], let’s go have a smoke.
Soldier #2: Alright. [Places cigarette in mouth and walks toward door.]
Soldier #3: Hey dumbass, you’re inside! Get that fuckin’ cigarette out of your mouth!
Soldier #2: Hey Blackbeard, get a fuckin’ eye in your head!
Building 2411-B
Fort Eustis, Virginia
Overheard by: SGT Grier
Customer #1: Does the Peaks Island Ferry go to Peaks Island?
Ticket agent: Yes.
Customer#1: Does it come back?
Customer #2: No, it’s the barge to Hades. It only goes one way.
Casco Bay Lines Ferry Terminal
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Jeff Jenks
