Engineer: Damn, I'm tired. I was up all night with a case of the number threes.
VP: Number threes?
Engineer: You know, when you think you have to go number two, but actually you have to puke in the bathtub.
Paterson, New Jersey
Engineer: Damn, I'm tired. I was up all night with a case of the number threes.
VP: Number threes?
Engineer: You know, when you think you have to go number two, but actually you have to puke in the bathtub.
Paterson, New Jersey
Cubicle dweller #1: Blood, blood, blood–I'm sick of reading about this stuff!
Cubicle dweller #2 (hyped up on coffee): Well, at least it's not fecal matter!
Nashville, Tennessee
Coworker #1: I can't believe we didn't catch that last time!
Coworker #2: We did… and laughed at it.
Manhattan, New York
[In the ER.]Nurse #1: Oh my god.
Nurse #2: What?
Nurse #1, looking horrified: I just entered all of these notes on the wrong patient’s file.
Nurse #2: It’s okay. Just go back, delete, and re-enter them for the right patient.
Nurse #1, distressed at herself: But that’s awful! What would have happened?
Nurse #2, shrugging: ‘s’okay, happens all the time.
Hospital
Beckley, West Virginia
Prettyish, 20-something salesgirl: I think before the swine flu, no one in this country new what a “swine” even was.
50-something sales manager: Well, that's because it's German. Swinehund! Get it?
Schaumburg, Illinois
Data entry worker #1: So I told her I need special glasses because of my stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: Your what?
Data entry worker #1: My stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: You have stigmata?
Data entry worker #1: Yeah.
Data entry worker #2: You suffer the wounds of Jesus?
Data entry worker #1: What?
Passing supervisor: She means her “astigmatism.”
Data entry worker #2: Like in my eyes.
Data entry worker #1: (laughs hysterically)
Bridgeton, Missouri
Overheard by: Ready for Jesus
Woman wearing glasses straining to read document: Ugh! I need glasses.
San Diego, California
Liberal cube dweller #1: I have so much to celebrate next week. My sister's birthday and the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.
Liberal cube dweller #2: You celebrate that?
Liberal cube dweller #1: Yes, I absolutely do.
Liberal cube dweller #2: What kind of cake do you get?
Liberal cube dweller #1: A fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #2: I have seen the fetus cookies, but I have never seen a fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #1: I'm kidding. Not about celebrating Roe v. Wade, but about having a fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #2: I'd eat a fetus cake.
Albany, New York
Overheard by: We are NOT Reception
Secretary: Don’t mail your boogers to people!
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
(at a three day workshop)
Suit #1: I don’t think I can sit through another afternoon of this.
Suit #2: It’s not as bad as yesterday. I’m finding it quite interesting.
Suit #1: That’s what you call Stockholm Syndrome, when you start to love your kidnapper.
Istanbul
Turkey
