Peon: So, why did you come in if you're sick?
Sick secretary: I came in because my boss needed me.
Peon (looking around office): But he's not even here!
Sick secretary (grimly): Oh, he's here. Believe me. He's here. He's definitely here.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: hope he's not here
Student #1: Do you have a learning disability or something?
Student #2: Yeah. I’m ADD.
Student #1: Oh.
Student #2: Just kidding! I’m just stupid.
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada
Overheard by: Going to class
Female admin: I'll be in charge of this project–it'll be my baby.
Safety trainer: Retarded?
Storrs, Connecticut
Coworker #1: You should use the clap method.
Coworker #2: Me and the clap just don't mix.
Washington, DC
Coworker #1: Rio de Janeiro just won the vote to host the 2016 Olympic Games.
Coworker #2: Is that like a perfume?
Charles City, Iowa
50-year-old secretary to another: You know, if you need a uterus, you can have mine. It's all flappy and old.
Middle School
Larchmont, New York
Overheard by: Lil' Bill
Physician: What can you tell me about this X-ray?
Student: It’s a male pelvis with two fractures.
Physician: It’s shaped like a male pelvis, but it’s not.
Student: How can you tell?
Physician: The lack of a penis outline on the X-ray helps.
Emergency Room, University of Kansas Hospital
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: Stifling the Laugh
Engineer: Damn, I'm tired. I was up all night with a case of the number threes.
VP: Number threes?
Engineer: You know, when you think you have to go number two, but actually you have to puke in the bathtub.
Paterson, New Jersey
Cubicle dweller #1: Blood, blood, blood–I'm sick of reading about this stuff!
Cubicle dweller #2 (hyped up on coffee): Well, at least it's not fecal matter!
Nashville, Tennessee
Coworker #1: I can't believe we didn't catch that last time!
Coworker #2: We did… and laughed at it.
Manhattan, New York
