Boss: You're out smoking again? I thought you were quitting?
Assistant: I start taking the Chantix tomorrow morning, smoke for a week and throw the cigarettes away and double the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
Assistant: All you want, I'll be a complete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on intercom: Everyone, you have the next 2 months off: assistant is going to be a bigger bitch than usual.
Fountain Valley, California
Secretary #1: You know, purging…it's gross, but it works.
Secretary #2: Yeah, and it only takes a few weeks to work.
Secretary #3: Whatever it takes, I guess.
Atlanta, Georgia
Boss: These cookies are good. Tastes like there's Ex-lax in 'em.
Charleston, South Carolina
Security guard: I don't remember you ever not being pregnant.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Mental Health Advisor: He’s crazy. He’s gone off his meds because he thinks the doctors are trying to shrink his penis.
240 Calhoun Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Intern: I need to get some sun… so I can get laid. I mean, cancer or celibacy?
Office manager: Cancer!
212 3rd Avenue North
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Sad, but True
Worker #1: How are you feeling? Coming down with anything?
Worker #2: No, but it seems like everyone else is.
Worker #1: If you get sick, I’m a doctor so I can take care of you.
I’ve got a BS, a CS and a DD. That’s a degree in Back Stabbing, Cork-Screwing, and Double-Dealing
2320 West Highway 76
Branson, Missouri
Female office worker #1: I had a job stuffing envelopes and it destroyed my cuticles.
Female office worker #2: Yeah, I had one where I had to fold letters all day and I got a ton of paper cuts.
Only male in department: Oh, I have a story about a bloody hand job.
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Sneaker
Training instructor: You should not upgrade the software right when a patch comes out. Sometimes it may have bugs.
Student: So, it’s like when you take a drug, sometimes it can have side effects like—
Training instructor: Yeah, but let’s keep the discussion focused on software.
Student: —Throwing up, vomiting…
Training instructor: Uh, yeah.
Madison, Alabama
Worker #1: But the nice thing is, this way, you can get up from your desk for a while.
Worker #2: Yeah…I could really use some blood in my ass.
1855 South Grant Street
San Mateo, California
