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Yes, But Things Move Slower in the South

Shipping clerk: What time is it in Virginia? Are they ahead of us or behind us?
Shipping manager: They're to the right of us.
Shipping clerk: Huh?
Shipping manager: Virginia is on the East Coast. The same east that the sun rises on.
Shipping clerk (after some thought): Okay, so it's earlier there?
Shipping manager: No, it's later by one hour.
Shipping clerk (after a little more thought): How can it be later in Virginia if the sun is still rising there? It's been up here for a few hours now!

Des Moines, Iowa

Scooby-Doo: Ruh-Roh, Raggy!

Four-year-old boy: Mom…mom, I have to go potty.
Mom: Okay… Just a minute.
Four-year-old boy: Mom… Mom…I have to gooooo.
Mom: Okay…I said in just a minute.
Grandmother (standing up): I'll take him.
Mom: That's okay, I'll take him.
(grandmother turns away to sit down)
Four-year-old boy: Mom, I just gotta go to!
Mom: Okay honey… Just hold it for one second!
Four-year-old boy: Hold what?

Mexican Restaurant
Huntsville, Alabama

Overheard by: Melonia S

Like My Cat

Coworker #1: Yes, I am so sick of this dog… and I haven't even taken it home yet.
Coworker #2: Wait until it starts peeing and pooping all over the place. Puppies do that until you get them trained.
Coworker #1: I wish it could just watch a tape and be trained.

River Road
Conshohocken, Pennsylvania

So I Can Write It on a Tissue and Then Blow My Nose

Customer: Can you please put me on your do-not-call list?
Telemarketer: Sure… how do you spell that?

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Overheard by: Bored!

He Hibernates for Two Months a Year

Coworker #1: Who else do we know that's born in February?
Coworker #2: Marilyn's the 26th.
Coworker #1: You sure?
Coworker #2: Yes, because her birthday's right after Thanksgiving.

Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: Faydra

Spoken Like Someone Who Didn't Go to an NYC Public School

Coworker: Supposedly it's called “wanger.” You know, what people used to call each other in the 5th grade?

New York City, New York

You Upload Separately Your Letters of Hors D'oeuvres

Guy: You need to get one of them “faux pas” things, they won't even consider you if you don't have one. You need to go to the web site and turn them in a “faux pas.”
Girl: Do you mean a “resume”?

Medical Center
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Annie Mosity

Harry Potter Stands Forlornly, Clasping a Squeegee

Busy mother on phone: No, I don't want some damn wizard to clean up my desktop. I said no, go away.

Satellite Boulevard
Duluth, Georgia

Freedom Means We Can Use Any Colors We Want

Peon: What colors do we use for the Fourth of July?

Briarcrest & 29th
Bryan, Texas

You're Depleting a Precious Natural Resource

Payroll girl on phone: No, we can't find the time cards… No, she didn't lose them… Hahahahaha. (to secretary who lost time cards) George says your butt sucks major canal water!
Secretary who lost time cards: What!?

Phoenix, Arizona

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