Young waitress, dreamily: My friends and I just love that Joran Van Der Sloot.
Manager: The fact that he's accused of murder doesn't phase you?
Waitress: Only makes him hotter! (sighs)
Waiter: The next time I say women are stupid and you argue with me, I'm bringing this up, you know.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Man on phone: How's your brother doing? Is he incarcerated somewhere?
Detroit, Michigan
Session leader: Now at this point, if you've been convicted guilty of a felony crime, I'll have to ask you to leave.
(one woman starts to walk out of crowded auditorium, abruptly stops halfway)
Woman: Oh, wait! What is counterfeiting?
Session leader: Mam, were you guilty?
Woman: Yes. Oh, wait. No. The trial's still going on.
Mebane, North Carolina
Project manager #1: I'm taking a class, but someone stole my notebook.
Project manager #2: Learning sucks… Let me tell you what I'm going to have for dinner.
Troy, Michigan
Overheard by: Then wouldn't I be learning?
Client: How bad? Are we talking about just paying the three million, or are we talking penalties bad?
Accountant: We’re talking jail bad.
Broward Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Lawyer: It’s not exactly ethical but we have to get this thing out today.
Intern: That isn’t just unethical… Isn’t it illegal?
Lawyer: Only if you think contracts are binding.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
Office manager to adult male employee, in reference to getting his name embroidered on his jacket: No, you never do that. That means pedophiles can come up to you and go “Jooohhn… Come heeeeeere, I’ve got some caaaaaaandy!”
Humble Texas
.Net developer, finishing a presentation: … And that’s my presentation on .Net custom controls. Any questions about the toggle reader or list controls?
Java developer, bursting at the seams: So it turns out my frat brothers inadvertently stole a human corpse!
Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania
Lab worker #1: Murder only applies to humans. It’s a term specific to us.
Lab worker #2: You can’t ‘murder’ a dream?
Lab worker #1: You can’t murder baby cows.
Lab worker #2: What about cats?
Lab worker #1: No. Cats can’t be murdered… Unless they?re half-cat, half-person.
Lab worker #2: Then it’s half murder.
Lab worker #1: Even if it’s premeditated, it’s knocked back to manslaughter. That?s probably why the cat people think we’re biased against them, but really it’s just that the legal system wasn?t set up with them in mind. [Silence.] I’ve thought about this a lot.
Durham, North Carolina
Worker bee #1: I don’t know how good an idea that is in a canoe.
Worker bee #2: What? At worst, they could get you for public intoxication.
Worker bee #1: I’m not worried about the legal ramifications. I’m worried about the drowning ramifications.
9000 Plymouth Avenue North
Minneapolis, Minnesota
