20-something receptionist, commenting on cutesy photo of boy and dog praying: You know, I don’t really like kids, animals or god, but that photo’s okay.
Mill Valley, California
20-something receptionist, commenting on cutesy photo of boy and dog praying: You know, I don’t really like kids, animals or god, but that photo’s okay.
Mill Valley, California
Stylist: Do you like your haircut, buddy?
Little boy: [Silence.]Stylist: Do you know who would like your haircut? SpongeBob.
Little boy: … I’m not stupid.
Barbershop
Noblesville, Indiana
Probationee: You’re a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You’re like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.
Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Senior programmer to slightly-less senior programmer: The thing is: every time we don't pay attention to you, you're right.
Berkeley, California
Coworker, in hushed voice: You know, the thing about black men is that they have really nice asses. They really do.
National Institutes of Health
Bethesda, Maryland
Worker #1: Did you hear me? I just said I hit my knee on the window.
Worker #2: But there are no windows in your cubicle.
Worker #1: I know, I meant chair.
Worker #2: Hey [worker #3], did you hear [worker #1]? She said window but meant chair.
Worker #1: I also meant arm not knee.
Worker #2: Wait, so when you said, “I hit my knee on the window,” you really meant,”I hit my arm on the chair?”
Worker #1: Yeah.
Worker #2: You’re beautiful.
Rt 31, Illinois
Admin: We’re going to miss you around here.
Employee: Well, I’d like to say that I’ll miss being around here, but that would be untrue, so I’m not going to say it.
6111 Oak Tree Boulevard
Independence, Ohio
Lady cube rat: I like sucking bones.
Male cube rat: I know! I said, ‘Come on, Chris, suck that bone!’ We all laughed.
Lady cube rat: The marrow is the best part.
1771 North Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I still don’t want to know
HR: Okay [Jen], here is your six month review. You are doing excellent work, we couldn’t be happier, you adapt especially well to change and keep this office running like a tight ship. We have put you in for a substantial raise.
VP: We have come to the decision that we will be closing this office. Everyone’s last day of work will be December 31st–
HR: –and here are your severance packages.
238 Bedford Street
Lexington, Massachusetts
Girl #1: I should be a professional killer
Girl #2: What are you talking about?
Girl #1: Well, I was really good in riflery in camp. I hate people. And I love wearing black.
40 West 57th Street
New York, New York
