Office chick #1: Hey, I like your shoes. Are they new?
Office chick #2: Thanks. I’ve had them for a while. I just haven’t been wearing them.
Office chick #1: They’re kind of low cut.
Office dude: Yeah, I can see a lot of arch. If this was the middle east, I’d totally be raping you right now.
Rancho Cordova, California
Overheard by: Good thing we’re in Cali.
Senior partner: What are you listening to? That’s some funky music.
Paralegal: Phish.
Senior partner: Oooh, Phish — I’ve heard of them but never heard them. Wow, they have a great sound.
Paralegal: Yeah, I really like them.
Senior partner, with fixed gaze: When you know someone listens to funky music, that can really tell you a lot about a person.
Washington, DC
Musician on speaker: We are super-psyched, yo. It is huge for us.
Producer: You need to do this show, if you do this show you are going to blow up. Blow up like shit!
441 East 12th Street
New York, NY
Senior business analyst: That e-mail is pretty good. Now just polish it up and send it out.
Business analyst: I did polish it!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Derek Braithwaite
Co-worker: She is just the sweetest dog…except she likes to bite kids in the face.
625 Cherry Street
Columbia, Missouri
20-something receptionist, commenting on cutesy photo of boy and dog praying: You know, I don’t really like kids, animals or god, but that photo’s okay.
Mill Valley, California
Stylist: Do you like your haircut, buddy?
Little boy: [Silence.]Stylist: Do you know who would like your haircut? SpongeBob.
Little boy: … I’m not stupid.
Barbershop
Noblesville, Indiana
Probationee: You’re a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You’re like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.
Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Senior programmer to slightly-less senior programmer: The thing is: every time we don't pay attention to you, you're right.
Berkeley, California
Coworker, in hushed voice: You know, the thing about black men is that they have really nice asses. They really do.
National Institutes of Health
Bethesda, Maryland
