Senior business analyst: That e-mail is pretty good. Now just polish it up and send it out.
Business analyst: I did polish it!


Overheard by: Derek Braithwaite

Co-worker: She is just the sweetest dog…except she likes to bite kids in the face.

625 Cherry Street
Columbia, Missouri

20-something receptionist, commenting on cutesy photo of boy and dog praying: You know, I don’t really like kids, animals or god, but that photo’s okay.

Mill Valley, California

Stylist: Do you like your haircut, buddy?
Little boy: [Silence.]Stylist: Do you know who would like your haircut? SpongeBob.
Little boy: … I’m not stupid.

Noblesville, Indiana

Probationee: You’re a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You’re like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.

Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Senior programmer to slightly-less senior programmer: The thing is: every time we don't pay attention to you, you're right.

Berkeley, California

Coworker, in hushed voice: You know, the thing about black men is that they have really nice asses. They really do.

National Institutes of Health
Bethesda, Maryland

Worker #1: Did you hear me? I just said I hit my knee on the window.
Worker #2: But there are no windows in your cubicle.
Worker #1: I know, I meant chair.
Worker #2: Hey [worker #3], did you hear [worker #1]? She said window but meant chair.
Worker #1: I also meant arm not knee.
Worker #2: Wait, so when you said, “I hit my knee on the window,” you really meant,”I hit my arm on the chair?”
Worker #1: Yeah.
Worker #2: You’re beautiful.

Rt 31, Illinois

Admin: We’re going to miss you around here.
Employee: Well, I’d like to say that I’ll miss being around here, but that would be untrue, so I’m not going to say it.

6111 Oak Tree Boulevard
Independence, Ohio

Lady cube rat: I like sucking bones.
Male cube rat: I know! I said, ‘Come on, Chris, suck that bone!’ We all laughed.
Lady cube rat: The marrow is the best part.

1771 North Street NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: I still don’t want to know