Compliments

Suit #1: He was an okay analyst and he knew a lot about the markets, but–
Suit #2, interrupting: –So what was the problem?
Suit #1: Well, he was from the South so he couldn’t write very well.

110 Wall Street
New York, New York

Male worker to female lunch companion: See, the good thing about you is that you can really pack it in. I mean, most girls can’t do that.

12th and G Street NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: i like to eat too

Peon: Did you see that chick last night? She was so hot. After the meeting, Eric* made a beeline for her.
Co-worker: Oh, yeah? She was hot?
Peon: Well, in the real world she was probably like a 7, but in the lawyer world, she’s like a 12.

West Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Julianna

Boss: Whoever invented cheese is a great American.
Coworker: Cheese wasn’t invented by an American.
Boss: Well, whoever did invent it should be made an American.

Austin, Texas

Salesperson to another: Wow! I like your new pants? (pause) Do they fit you?

Plattsburgh, New York

Office worker: Do you know what that meeting was about?
Manager: Nope.
Office worker: But, what did we talk about?
Manager: Don’t know, don’t care, anyway, the cookies were nice.
Office worker: They were, weren’t they?

Bezuidenhoutseweg
The Hague
The Netherlands

Overheard by: bewildered

Publicist: It was amazing. Stevie could do everything. He could leave his apartment, go to the elevator, everything.
Proofer: Wow. He didn’t even need a cane?
Publicist: Of course not; he’s not that old.

1438 North Gower Street
Los Angeles, California

Student: Voldemort is like Bill Fates. He’s good at marketing, but he didn’t actually come up with Windows.

33 East Congress
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Stubby Boardman

Attorney #1: You know David*, the blind prosecutor downtown?
Attorney #2: He’s the one who always gets the young, hot assistants, right?
Attorney #3: I don’t care what anyone says, that son of a bitch can see.

300 West Main Street
Louisville, Kentucky

Visiting sales rep: Wow, that aquarium is really cool! Is it a lot of work?
Desk owner: Thanks. It’s not too hard once it’s set up for a while.
Visiting sales rep: I’ve never seen one with all those things with testicles in it before.
Desk owner: [Silence until sales rep obliviously boards elevator.]

75 Battery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: We didn’t buy her product.