Coworker, ranting about the office copier: Guess what I have to do in five minutes. Get a “training” session on the 250 from Bob. Yeah, I know. If the 250 were a person, I would be its gynecologist, I know it so well! I have been into its regions and back, retrieving jammed paper!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Living for Friday
New lady at the office: I need two big ones. Do you have a big one?
Contractor: Yes, mine's at least 19 inches.
Washington, DC
Smoker #1: See this tie? Got it for $1.49 at Jewel.
Smoker #2: Jewel sells ties? It’s a grocery store.
Smoker #1: I say fuck ’em, if I have to wear a tie it’s going to be a $1.49 Jewel tie.
Wacker
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: I hate my tie too
Doctor, to patient: I just saw an x-ray of your arm and it looks like shit.
North Shore Hospital
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Receptionist on phone: I wish he'd understand that no movie he makes is worth anything unless Kenny Loggins has his finger in it.
Kansas City, Missouri
Office girl #1: I like your ring!
Office girl #2: I love this ring! I wish it had super powers! Sometimes I wanna lick it, like a Ring Pop!
Evans, Colorado
Overheard by: Liaison
Male Debt Collector #1: …I’m pretty sexist.
Male Debt Collector #2: I’m not sexist, I’m just realistic.
Magill
South Australia
Australia
Overheard by: Ilse
Office drone #1: Yeah, I was totally born only five minutes after midnight.
Office drone #2: That's so much better than me, in the afternoon. Afternoon is boring. Hey boss, what time you were born?
Manager: Probably when angels started crying? How the fuck should I know? I wasn't born with a watch and cognitive thinking.
Columbus, Ohio
Insurance salesman: Now, you can only die once, but you can become disabled many times.
Florida
Dude to employee who just returned from Florida vacation: So were there more Mexicans in Miami or in Florida?
Employee who just returned from Florida vacation: That is the dumbest thing I have ever been asked.
Richmond West
Toronto, Canadia
