Woman to HR director: Can I get workers compensation for pulling my twat muscle?
HR director: What’s a twat muscle?
Dallas, Texas
Woman to HR director: Can I get workers compensation for pulling my twat muscle?
HR director: What’s a twat muscle?
Dallas, Texas
Worker #1: But isn’t the ceiling a fire hazard?
Worker #2: Only if there’s a fire.
133 Falmouth Road
Mashpee, Massachusetts
Coworker #1: She was such a bitch to me for no reason! I think I’m beginning to hate people.
Coworker #2: You used to like people before working here? That’s so freakin’ cute!
430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: I Heart Condescension
Assistant: Sir?
Boss: Don’t talk to me. It’s Game Seven.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Lindroid
Business Officer: You remember when I told you that?
Editor: No, I was drunk at the time.
409 Prospect Street
New Haven, Connecticut
Office grunt #1: I hate all these fucking meetings!
Office grunt #2: Didn’t you set this meeting up?
Office grunt #1: Yeah, but that’s not the point.
Oil company office
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Lara
First-grade teacher: CHARLES! Give me those! Those are NAILS! Nails are unsafe and do not belong in your hands.
Student: Pshhh, unless you’re JESUS!
New York, New York
Overheard by: i want to adopt this kid
Teacher: If you wish to have a discussion, raise your hand and I will call on you if you are worthy enough.
Student: I love you?
140 Brandies Road
Newton, Massachusetts
Older saleswoman, picking up the phone: Hello, this is Sue. How may I help you? Yes? Oh, no! Oh, dear! Definitely! Absolutely, just bring it on in and I’ll take care of it for you. No problem! I’m soooo sorry. I am so, so, so sorry!! [Hangs up phone.] I’m sorry your mother was a prostitute.
Department Store
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: lisa
