Male payroll processor: If you want me to process your payroll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Female coworker: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male payroll processor: Yeah! What’s your point?
Female coworker: I was out sick! I didn’t come in or leave!
Male payroll processor: Whatever! More work for me!
Speedway
Tucson, Arizona
(Woman puts groceries on checkstand, including home pregnancy test.)
Male clerk: Man, I have been selling a lot of these lately!
(Woman laughs nervously.)
Male clerk to female clerk, waving test in the air: Haven’t you been selling a lot of these?
Female clerk: Yeah, I have! It must be spring, you know how people get!
(Woman is now horrified.)
Male clerk, handing woman her groceries: Well, good luck either way!
Safeway
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Really? Really?
Extra nice granny: Good god, if they need more than three gallons of gravy we are in big trouble.
Montezuma
Prescott, Arizona
Overheard by: Tom
Bank employee, accompanying exterminator: [Sings.] Spraying for bugs!
[She realizes she sang that out loud to a room full of customers.]Bank employee, under her breath: Oops. Just kidding, we don’t have bugs.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Ken
Designer: … And then [the director] said, ‘What else did you accomplish today?’ Can you believe that?!
Writer: What the hell business is it of his what you do here?
Designer: And so what if I did go to lunch with you for three hours? Is that a crime? Can a man not waste a little time on the company dollar anymore? What the hell kind of place is this becoming?!
Writer: I ask myself that everyday.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Nurse: We need you to be here for the duration of your brother’s procedure. He should be done in 15 minutes or so.
20-something mechanic: Do I need to be here? [Points at floor.] Or here? [Points at room.] Because that is one flashlight I don’t wanna hold!
Proctologist’s office
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: but he’s taken a shine to you!
Manager to secretary: Excuse me, could you please put this in the fridge? I pity the person that tries to drink that… It looks exactly like apple juice, doesn’t it? But it’s really a urine sample I need to take to the doctor’s this afternoon…
Project Drive
Tempe, Arizona
Single coworker: I tell ya — sex with crazy girls is great!
Sierra Vista, Arizona
Overheard by: Damn psychopharmaceuticals…
Earnest cube rat: If it’s ready on time, it will be ready. But if it’s not ready on time, then it won’t be ready.
14455 North Hayden Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Cubey McCuberton
20-ish woman peon #1: So, I started my cleanse this week–
20-ish woman peon #2: –Wait, are we talking about poop again? Why are we always talking about poop? Aren’t we a little young for this? [Others stare blankly.] Well, I am strangely comfortable with it. [Others keep staring, so #2 leaves, griping] I hate Oprah.
44th Street
Phoenix, Arizona
