10-year-old boy to 10-year-old friend: It's happening again.
10-year-old friend: What? You mean, “it?”
10-year-old boy: Yeah, darn it, I can't help it.
10-year-old friend: I think you should tell your mom about it.
10-year-old boy: No, she doesn't have a penis, she wont know what I'm talking about.
Sprint Store
Gilbert, Arizona
Programmer: So I'm beginning to think that [client's name] is a huge fuckup.
Boss: Yeah, but he fucks up with style. He's the Buzz Lightyear of fuckups.
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Male office drone #1: I was just talking to a bunch of people and I realized afterwards that I had ChapStick all over my face. That's just great.
Male office drone #2: The same thing happens to me, except with lipstick.
Mesa, Arizona
Tall, muscled naval officer: Is there a prostitute service where you can just buy a hug?
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Kaiti
Enrollment counselor on phone with student: The first letter is I, like “eyeball.”
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Literate Listener
New employee: Why do we have to get a key to go to the restroom? This isn't elementary school!
Researcher: Yeah, it's annoying, but there are advantages.
New hire employee: What's that?
Researcher: If you're having a stressful day at work, you can rub one out in private.
Phoenix, Arizona
Bizarre cube dweller: Cornmeal, hamocks, gunpowder, and guitar strings. I mix it up and just sit, pray, meditate, that sorta thing. I found a great place, too. The problem? Ethel don't want to. Given our natural proclivities, we'd be out raping and pillaging if it weren't for that stuff.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Cube Guru
Clinician, after drinking from sports bottle: Man, nothing is worse than bad tequila.
ASU Student Health
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Auntie Maim
Coworker helping boss: If I was Jesus, you'd be washing your hands right now.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Time
Payroll girl on phone: No, we can't find the time cards… No, she didn't lose them… Hahahahaha. (to secretary who lost time cards) George says your butt sucks major canal water!
Secretary who lost time cards: What!?
Phoenix, Arizona
