Office lesbian: Alex and I had another fight. Want to buy a new iPod with the engraving “Happy 21st birthday Alex”?
Office grunt: Has it been polished with tears?
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Finding humor in misfortune
Office lesbian: Alex and I had another fight. Want to buy a new iPod with the engraving “Happy 21st birthday Alex”?
Office grunt: Has it been polished with tears?
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Finding humor in misfortune
PR gal: We need a really memorable tag line, like “Stop, Drop and Roll” from the ’80s. Whatever happened to that, anyway?
Intern guy: It still works if you’re on fire.
41 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, “Baby…I have been reading my Bible for 53 years…and I can tell you read your Bible, too…” So, I in my best Southern voice, said, “Yes, ma’am…I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word.” But, I was just bullshitting. I’m probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide…She can’t wipe her own ass…She’s about to die…and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving…gotta get that bonus. Y’know?
1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
Younger girl: So the guy who played Kramer turned 57 this week. I had no idea he was that old!
Older woman: Kramer? You mean from the movie Kramer vs. Kramer?
Younger girl: Who? Um, no. Kramer. Kramer from Seinfeld.
Older woman: Who?
Younger woman: This is probably why we don’t talk more, huh?
323 East Grand River
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Pam Beasley
Male coworker: It's one o'clock already? Man, this day is flying by so fast!
Female coworker: It's dragging for me.
Male coworker: Last time I looked at the clock it was only 11 am. Man, where did the time go?
Female coworker: That's because you're old and you keep falling asleep and waking up an hour later!
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Janet
Female executive VP on phone son: I'm not giving you money today. I'm not giving it to you. I'm not giving it to you. I'm not giving it to you. (pause) Michael, did you hear what I just said? I'm not giving you any money today. I'm. Not. Giving. You. Any. Money. Today. (pause) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry. (pause) Yes, I'm serious. I gave you $50 yesterday and I said it had to last you until Friday. You're 21. You're 21. Get a job. (pause) I'm not giving you money today. Okay, bye. (pause) I love you too.
Montclair, New Jersey
Father, trying to get his teenage daughter excited about reading The Odyssey: It’s like a horror movie… for really, really old people.
Public Library
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: not-so-old but I still like The Odyssey
Newbie: It's been a long day. A long week, actually.
Senior: It's been a long eight years for me.
Newbie: Wow. How are you still alive?
Senior: I don't know. I'm a soul survivor.
Newbie: Like that Rolling Stones song? Did they write that after you?
Senior: Yep. I'm the only one who can survive in this place.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Bubbly 20-something girl on cell in bathroom: I mean, I don't know. Can you even text a guy over 35 after 11?
Manhattan, New York
Male manager to female employees: The black currant vanilla separates the men from the boys.
Idaho
