Retirement aged worker #1: Hi, little buddy.
Retirement aged worker #2: I'm not your little buddy!
Retirement aged worker #1: I know you're not! You're an old goat!
Retirement aged worker #2, thrusting pelvis towards #1: If I'm a goat, then suck it and get some milk!
Naval Base
Point Mugu, California
Overheard by: bubbles
Fat old creepy guy interrupting three Asian girls: So how old is this guy?
Asian girl #1 (looking awkwardly at friends): 18.
Asian girl #2: Yeah. (laughs) She likes them young.
Fat old creepy guy: Oooh! (pause) You can train him! Get a collar and a leash and a big stick like the ones my kids use to whack their pigs!
Sacramento, California
Female coworker #1: Wow, is that guy old?
Female coworker #2: Yeah.
Female coworker #1: I was wondering, since you were writing his will. He seemed all “grrrrrrr”'!
Female coworker #2: Yeah… He's married.
Utica, New York
Overheard by: Internet Meme
Liberal cube dweller #1: I have so much to celebrate next week. My sister's birthday and the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.
Liberal cube dweller #2: You celebrate that?
Liberal cube dweller #1: Yes, I absolutely do.
Liberal cube dweller #2: What kind of cake do you get?
Liberal cube dweller #1: A fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #2: I have seen the fetus cookies, but I have never seen a fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #1: I'm kidding. Not about celebrating Roe v. Wade, but about having a fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #2: I'd eat a fetus cake.
Albany, New York
Overheard by: We are NOT Reception
Woman on phone: I thought that once my father died, my mom would be happy. But that was 25 years ago, and she's still miserable.
Huntington, New York
Salesman: And then you’re cruising for a bruising.
Sales manager: How old are you?
Salesman: What?
Sales manager: "Cruising for a bruising"? My grandma said that!
Salesman: How about "truckin’ for a fuckin’"?
Sales manager: OK.
111 Oak Street
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Patient: Yeah, I have a twin brother about my age.
Presbyterian Hospital
New York, New York
Overheard by: Speechless RN
Female with short cropped hair, dressed like a man: All the men here act like they haven't seen a woman in 25 years… They just keep staring.
South Michigan
Dean: I'm like catnip to women over 80!
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: meow?
Sales guy to another: The town I grew up in was a little village, like a Mayberry; it had bars and stuff to do…
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Mayberry had alcohol!?
