We Call It the Snowmobile

Ghetto coworker: My son loves his car, he says he wants to get buried in it. I tell him he’s crazy, but it is a really nice car. It’s an Oldsmobuick* convertible, cocaine white…
Not-so-ghetto coworker: Cocaine white?
Ghetto coworker: Yeah, you know that really pearly white color?
Not-so-ghetto coworker, sarcastically: Does it have meth-yellow trim?
Ghetto coworker, oblivious: No, just white. But I tell him he’s crazy, it would never work. When they put in the dirt it would cave in the roof!

Modesto, California

Overheard by: That’s not my job.

Posted on May 9, 2008
California, Colors, Coworkers, Death, Default, Feelings, Weirdness, Wishes, Words

Or Would It Be Better to Say “Happy Newjob”?

Older woman, observing plate of donuts near man: Oh wow, is it your birthday?
Younger man: Actually, it’s my last day today. I got another job.
Older woman: Great. Well, happy birthday!

Madison Avenue
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on May 8, 2008
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Feelings, Hiring & Firing, New York, Questions, Words

I Also Play the Fallopian Tuba

Woman: I really enjoyed your singing this morning.
Girl who sang: Thanks so much!
Woman: Yeah, it’s always so great when someone just sings straight from the ovaries like that.
Girl who sang: Uhh… [Nervous laugh.]

Hotel
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Annah

Posted on May 7, 2008
Body Parts, Compliments, Default, Employees, Feelings, Florida, Service, Sexuality, Weirdness, Words

Or Do I Have to Call Mark and Ask Him Personally?

Coworker, to the whole group: Does anybody know what the dollar to douche-mark conversion is?

Seminole Trail
Charlottesville, Virginia

Posted on May 6, 2008
Coworkers, Default, Geography & History, Money, Questions, Virginia, Words

Your Gold Metal Bikini Just Brings That Out in Me

Man #1: O-chu-daa.
Man #2: Huh?
Man #1: Tee-wanna-wunga.
Man #2: Dude, get out of here. You’re speaking Hutt!

Lexington Ave
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on May 5, 2008
Default, Language barrier, New York, Offers and requests, Weirdness, Words

That Explains Why Kitty Has Been Getting Home Late Every Night

Cat owner #1: So I went to the doctor yesterday, I asked him what was causing this rash on my forearms, he says, “It’s your cat”!
Cat owner #2: My cat?

Rosewood Drive
Pleasanton, California

Overheard by: Jimmybob

Posted on May 2, 2008
Animals, California, Default, Friends, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Questions, Words

Like You Should Judge, Mr “ILuvKittens5”?

Coworker #1: So what’s your e-mail address?
Coworker #2: [Gives it to him.]Coworker #1: Cool… How did you choose that?
Coworker #2: Oh, it means “big fart” in Chinese…

Santa Rosa, California

Posted on May 1, 2008
California, Compliments, Coworkers, Default, Language barrier, Questions, Technology, Weirdness, Words

In Fairness, the Employee Is 83 Percent Correct

Office drone #1: Where is the Pentagon?
Office drone #2: It is in Washington, DC…
Office drone #1: Oh! Isn’t it that big hexagon shaped building?
Office manager: [Walking away] Oh Jesus fucking Christ…

Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine

Overheard by: brian brinegar

Posted on May 1, 2008
Coworkers, Default, Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, Geography & History, Maine, Questions, Smart Bosses, Words

An Admin’s Tail Goes from Side to Side/ But a Sales Tail Goes Like This

Sales person: Did you just say, “dildo”?
Office admin: No! I said, “tail goes”.
Sales person, laughing: Wow. That’s not what I heard.
Office admin: You seriously need some alone time.

James Street
Syracuse, New York

Posted on April 28, 2008
Admins, Advice, Compare and contrast, New York, Questions, Sales, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Words

Employee Evaluation: “Jake Does Gouda Work.”

Boss: I smell your cheese… Or your feet.
Employee: Really? I ate it twenty minutes ago… Wait… What?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: LOL

Posted on April 25, 2008
Body Parts, Bosses, Default, Employees, Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness, Words

Words