Trainee accountant #1, looking at payslip: Look, I pay more tax each month!
Trainee accountant #2: Where does it say that?
Trainee accountant #1: Here, look.
Trainee accountant #2: That is the cumulative total.
Trainee accountant #1: What does “cumulative” mean?
London
England
Boss on phone with tech support: Wait… What is a colon? (pause) The dot and the squiggle line or the dot and the dot? (pause) Hello? Are you listening to me? (pause) No, I'm not stupid, I'm German.
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: Mystique
Large Korean who likes burgers: You better bring back In-N-Out. I hate Dick's, but love it when it's In-N-Out. Dick's are so small, they never fill me up, that's why it's always gotta be In-N-Out.
Jet City, Washington
Overheard by: Big Fan of Burgers-
Flamboyant marketing director: In my opinion, prostitutes are great because they help my liver. Let me explain–it cuts the process in half. I don't have to waste my money buying drinks for guys at the bar that still might not sleep with me. So… in the end, my liver is healthier because of prostitutes.
Old lady assistant: Prosciutto is good for the liver? I'll put it in a salad!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lowly Intern
Coworker to another: Hey, man, if you want to call 'em ramparts, you call 'em ramparts.
Pasadena, California
Blonde coworker: And I was like “way to throw me under the rug!”
Brunette coworker: Umm… it's “under the bus.” “Way to throw me under the bus.”
Male coworker: Get it? It hurts. If you were thrown under a bus it would hurt.
Blonde coworker: Well, it would hurt if someone was walking on the rug and you was under it!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: jen
Male coworker #1: I just couldn't take my eyes off her mound. It was so big and, well, unorganized.
Male coworker #2: Big mounds, seems to be the Monday thing around here. Seen one, seen 'em all.
Female coworker, passing through: Well boys, you must be talking about other people's paperwork again, since we all know you both haven't seen a real mound in the last decade.
Male coworker #2: We were actually talking about your mound. Organize that shit, will ya?
Female coworker, laughing: Never!
Kitchener
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Michele
Project manager to underling: Write that down: “screwed from behind.” On second though, put: “fixed from behind.”
Design Firm
Australia
Office manager, on decrease of patient numbers: Well, doc, I know you're going down on your patients but… wait, that wasn't the right way to say that.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jill
Technology director: No, that's “u,” as in “eunuch.”
Columbia, South Carolina
