Fat old creepy guy interrupting three Asian girls: So how old is this guy?
Asian girl #1 (looking awkwardly at friends): 18.
Asian girl #2: Yeah. (laughs) She likes them young.
Fat old creepy guy: Oooh! (pause) You can train him! Get a collar and a leash and a big stick like the ones my kids use to whack their pigs!
Sacramento, California
Co-worker: If I killed someone, he would totally lie to the police for me. Either he would be my alibi or he would lie and say he did it so I could be free.
225 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Am I Next
Male bartender: Where'd you park?
Female bartender: 12th and Albany.
Male bartender: So far away? Why do you want to be raped?
Los Angeles, California
Crazy coworker, nonchalantly: I knew a guy who killed his girlfriend. Stuffed her in the wall…
Government Office
Washington, DC
Woman #1, looking over cubicle: Rachel is going to be angry that you are sending her so many emails.
Woman #2, turning around: Who gives a fuck?
Woman #1: Seriously, you better watch it. [looks around] She can’t take too many emails, she has to pace herself.
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Not pacing myself!
Cubicle drone #1 (while physically beating cubicle drone #2): You could be replaced by a rubber tree plant!
Bowmanville
Ontario
Canadia
Girl to friend: You don't have to use something as depressing as a rape crisis. You know, you can do like… battered women, girl power!
Portland, Maine
Cashier to another: Most of our customers are dumber than dirt, and they've got guns.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Locked & Loaded
Boss: Why don’t I just shove a sock down your throat to shut you up?
Secretary: Yeah that’s fine, just make sure it’s not the sock you stuff your pants with!
Company Office
Fort Drum, New York
